Wild Wild World of Batwoman (1965/66)

She Was A Hippy Vampire

Cast:

Katherine Victor is Batwoman
George Mitchell is Professor Neon
Steve Brodie is Jim Flanagan
Lloyd Nelson is Heathcliff

What the box says:

What can say about a movie in which an old hag named Batwoman and her bevy of bikini-clad beauties go-go dance their way in and out of trouble brought on by an overweight villain named Rat Fink?

Plot:

Some random chick is inducted as a batgirl and learns she is now a synthetic vampire to escape the legal grasp of DC Comics. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make any sense, these girls aren’t anywhere in the movie besides this scene.

Late night, some guy is stopped in an alley. Some guys catch him and shoot him. Several batgirls report it.

Now to the first of many pointless go-go dancing scenes either that or the Myposian Dance of Joy (let the Perfect Strangers references fly fast and furiously…)

"...Lets twist again like we did last summer..." Tiger and the other evil guy slip a Mickey into dark haired girl’s drink and take her out of the club. They reveal they know she is a batgirl (From this point on she’ll be called, DHB for dark haired batgirl.)

Other batgirls report to Batwoman for orders.

The goons realize that the dark haired batgirl has a Dick Tracy radio wristwatch. At the mad scientist’s laboratory, DHB is locked up. The heavily foreign accented Dr. Neon contacts his boss, Rat Fink. They decide to use DHB’s radio to call Batwoman.

Batgirls are exercising which lets the camera leer over them like a teen boy with a Victoria's Secret catalog. Batwoman calls them to order and after her minions pledge allegiance to Batwoman. Let the parliamentary procedure ensue. Rat Fink calls Batwoman.

"Why yes my refrigerator is running? Is this, Powergirl?" He wants her to help him with a job. They schedule a meeting.

Later, Batwoman is taken to the lab. Rat Fink wants an atomic hearing aid which could listen in on any conversation. Batwoman frees DHB and escapes.

The next day, at the Ayjax Corporation, Flanagan and JB, the CEO, discuss how to keep the atomic hearing aid from being destroyed by the government. Batwoman warns them about the danger to the atomic hearing aid.

Flanagan goes to Batwoman’s secret lair.

One of these things is not like the others.. He asks her for help. The atomic hearing aid is revolutionary but with a little cobalt could be used as a super powerful bomb.

Dr. Neon and his lackey, Heathcliff, are ordered by Rat Fink to get the atomic hearing aid.

Neon and Heathcliff sneak past a security guard.

Flanagan sees Batwoman’s preparations to guard the safe. A gaggle of batgirls dressed like they’ve been clubbin’ in the late 60s and packing more heat than at a NRA convention. Flanagan and Batwoman head out for lunch. A disguised Neon and Heathcliff hand soup to the batgirls. Not just soup, but soup spiked with Neon’s go-go dancing pills. Yes, the batgirls start bumping and grinding.

At the cafeteria, Neon and Heathcliff pass out more spiked go-go dancing soup to Flanagan and Batwoman who shakes her moneymaker. By all that is wrong and Full Houseian in this world. Neon gets the key to the safe. Tiger takes DHB with him as the group gets the atomic hearing aid.

2 patent officers head to the Ayjax office. They find Batwoman and the others holding a séance to find the atomic hearing aid and to locate the villains’ lair.

Neon starts testing the atomic hearing aid.

Batwoman sends the batgirls to find the lair.

Cut to the beach, a lousy band is playing as the batgirls are either necking or bump and grinding more. Finally, they decide to end their break and start searching.

DHB is trying to teach Tiger to dance to no avail. Obviously, Tiger lacks having enough jive in his soul or enough alcohol in his bloodstream. Rat Fink wants his new plan implemented.

As the batgirls search around the beach, suddenly, they are each grabbed by Rat Fink.

Tiger takes DHB to Rat Fink’s lab in a cave. Cue the stock footage of Mole People. Neon wants to check on his monsters.

At Rat Fink’s lab, SCIENCE ensues with bubbling chemicals. Rat Fink is gloating over the captured batgirls. He tells Neon about the plan to mate Neon’s monsters with the captive batgirls.

Batwoman and Flanagan arrive. She tracked her batgirls and frees them. Tiger set DHB free because he loves her.

Flanagan wants to negotiate things Batwoman wants to unmask Rat Fink, who uses his greatest invention, the body multiplier. Suddenly, there are a dozen Rat Finks running around the lab. Let the wacky chase music ensue.

Batwoman rewires the body multiplier which negates all the body doubles of Rat Fink. He threatens to pour cobalt on the atomic hearing aid to blow them all to kingdom come. However, the grab and unmask him. Why it’s kindly old man Caruthers? Sorry, it is JB, the CEO of Ayjax. Apparently, he likes to listen to other’s people’s phone calls. Somehow, a drop of cobalt is accidentally spilt on the atomic hearing aid.

Everyone fumbles with it. Neon hands it off to Heathcliff and runs away.

Explosion, everyone is on the beach. Heathcliff can now talk and isn’t dumber than a frat guy after a kegger. The explosion restored his intelligence. Though, it turned Neon into the dummy.

Later, the batgirls pledge allegiance to Batwoman. Tiger is sworn in. Would that make him a batboy? Heathcliff and Neon are there, too. Neon whacks Heathcliff which turns him back into his moronic self.

What I say:

"...The thrill of victory...and the agony of defeat....This is the Wild Wild World of Batwoman..."

How could I let such a feeble attempt at humor escape me? Considering feeble humor is the only kind I can actually catch. Lame is just too hard to chase. Sophmoric is too juvenile for one who escaped sophmorphism in high school and college though can still argue the Smurfs communism theory with the best of them...

Bad movies have a pantheon of behind the scene talents. It doesn't take much to extol Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson, William Castle, among others. Let us consider the other side of the b-movie spectrum with talent like Larry "Curse of the Swamp creature" Buchanan, William "One-Shot" Beaudine, Roger Corman, Coleman "Beast of Yucca Flats" Francis, Sandy Frank, and of course, Ed "Plan 9 From Outer Space" Wood.

However, while some may be able recite some of the previously mentioned directors. If you dig enough, you keep discovering other directors that have made some pretty awful movies. However, they never had the fame and became more of the infamous ones. Such as Jerry Warren who is another of those infamous directors. He never had the fame of say Ed Woods don't judge him because of that. Jerry Warren may not be in the realm of say Harold "Manos" Warren but good ole Jerry gave us a truly horrendous movie that is so much harder to endure than many low budget bad movies.

Imagine a world where a small movie was made to milk off the popularity of something more successful. I know that doesn't happen in the world until the entire early 1980s Italian film industry ripped off more better ideas like a basketball player copying off a nerd on an algebra test. DC Comics sued Jerry Warren for this movie. They claimed that the Wild Wild World of Batwoman was ripping off Batwoman from the Batman comic. Now, I'm not sure how integral DC's Batwoman was at this point, since Bat Girl started getting more notice because of the Batman TV series. After a legal battle, Warren changed the title to She was a Vampire Hippie and added the opening scene of the girls inducting the new member and caliming to be synthetic vampires. Notice how the Ayjax corporation is spelled? Get the feeling they were afraid of angering the mighty Ajax cleanser.

Go-go dancing pills? Atomic hearing aids? Where are the werewolves that are metal plated? Where is the mad scientist creating a Frankenstein's monster because his colleagues considered him a fool for his novel theories? This mad scientist is an insult to the great Frankensteins out there and an insult to all the power-mad egotistical scientists tampering in the realms of the nature that should best be left undisturbed. Dr. Neon has to be probably the worst mad scientist in movies.

Heathcliff is the odious sidekick to an incompetent mad scientist in a movie ripoff of the Batman TV series. For the mathematically interested, I've tried to develop a mathematical formula for how annoying Heathcliff is.

ANNOYANCE LEVEL=Π(x^ab)(c/2)d

where Π is 3.1415..., a is the Coefficient of Odious Sidekickiness, b is the New Standard Index Level of Wishing to Rip One's Eyes Out to Escape the Pain, c is the Maximum Tolerance a 3 dimensional being can stand without purging oneself by watching the entire season 3 of Baywatch, and d is the Ripoff Factor of Popular Culture the Movie Steals From.

Know that the Wild Wild World of Batwoman isn't a beach movie. It does seem to be a lot like Fat Spy with all the camera shots featuring the girls gyrating wildly enough to make Gypsy Lee Rose proud. This movie has enough dancing to make me think that someone in the 60s was trying to make fun of Bollywood. Actually, I get the feeling that this movie somehow truly inspired Russ Meyers to create movies like Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill!!.

I don't know much about phones in the 1960s. However, weren't there still plenty of party lines around? The evil overlord wants to eavesdrop on other people's phone calls. His grand scheme wasn't to rule the world by using an army of the dead or creating a death ray. His great plan was to listen to other phone calls. It is shame he wasn't around today, he'd at least get 1/2 a conversation if he goes from a grocery store to Burger King.

The chase scene seems like it came out of Scooby Doo. Granted there wasn't any hallway where going in the left door let you come out the right side door. However, I wouldn't have been surprised. Maybe since they didn't have wacky-enough chase music to tamper with the dimesionsal stability of the area.

Plenty of comic book villains have ridiculous names from Hypno Hustler, Mechano Maurader to even Zzzax. But Rat Fink? However, Rat Fink may be the most ridiculous villain name of all time in the entertainment industry. Somehow, Doctor Destructo doesn't sound that bad...

The Wild Wild World of Batwoman has to be one of the most awful comedy movies ever. Unfunny comedies are a hard baggage to bear. Bad drama or horror, inept sci-fi can at least be humorous. Comedy that doesn't work, isn't funny. That happens to be the simplest way to put it. If it isn't funny, it is a chore to go through. With as many movies as are out there, there are plenty of other movies that would be a better use of time. Still awful movies need to be endured to help us appreciate better movies.

Quotable Dialogue
"We the girls who are dedicated to Batwoman, take our oath with all sincerity. We the girls who are dedicated to Batwoman, take our pride with all sincerity. We the girls who are dedicated to Batwoman, fight against evil with all sincerity"
"Why do you think we put the snatch on you?"
"CHING CHONG HOY CHONG CHING CHONG HUNG CHONG HOY CHOW CHING CHONG...."
"They are my monsters, Rat Fink."
"Use your magnetic electron device."
Morals of the Story
Vampires love strawberry yogurt.
People stop to light strangers' cigarettes.
In the 1960s, guys routinely drug girls' drinks.
Science has reached its pinnacle when the go-go dnacing pill was created.
Macaroons are the ultimate ice breaker.
Cafeterias have 5 piece jazz bands.
Chinese ghosts love to interrupt seances.
Villain masks have a hole cut out for their nose.