Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Anaconda 3
Flight 121
Pacific Air 121
Pacific Air Flight 121
SoaP
Venom

Cast:

Samuel L. "That's it, I'm gonna get all MACE WINDUon these snakes!!!" Jackson is Neville Flynn
Julianna "Maybe, ER will call me back..." Margulies is Claire Miller
Nathan Phillips is Sean Jones
Rachel Blanchard is Mercedes
Flex Alexander is Three G's

What the box says:

FBI agent (Samuel L. Jackson) is on a mission: transporting a federally-protected witness from Hawaii to Los Angeles so the government can put a brutal Mob boss behind bars. But just as the plane reaches 30,000 feet, hundreds of venomous snakes are unleashed, causing violent mayhem as the vicious predators attack everyone in sight. With the help of L.A.'s leading snake expert on the ground, Flynn leads the other passengers on a desperate, action-packed fight for their lives.

Plot:

Hawaiian beach fu ensues. Elsewhere, the dirt bike kid in a non-Peter Billingsley fashion spots a man being hanged upside down. Hiding, dirt biker sees the infamous mobster, Eddie Lim kill the guy. Avoiding the goons, dirt biker manages to escape.

Heading to Sean’s, Dirt Biker, hotel room, the goons go after him. Suddenly, they’re capped by Mace Windu.

At the police station, FBI agent Mace Windu convinces Sean to testify against Eddie Lim for killing the prosecuting attorney.

Airport, passengers and the crew are introduced. Mace Windu has dropped false information to the cops to hopefully decoy Lim’s goons away from which plane Sean is going to be on. Elsewhere, some goons spray the flower leis with some sort of chemicals.

Mace Windu commandeers all of the first class for him and Sean. The passengers are being loaded and given the sprayed leis. Newlyweds, rap star and his entourage, kids, and stuffy foreign businessman, etc…The flight attendants begin the safety demonstrations.

In the cargo hold, the snakes are trapped in a box. A couple decides they need to get inducted into the mile high club. Let the obligatory flesh be shown while the SNAKES attack.

Several SNAKES start biting some of the wires in the ductwork while the infamous anaconda crotch attack ensued.

The pilot checks on the wiring when the SNAKES bite him. Mace Windu inspects the body and surmises the pilot died of a heart attack.

The oxygen masks and SNAKES drop among the passengers. Let the panic ensue.

In the event of an emergency , promptly grab the snake which allow you to win a parachute.

Here's a little ditty by 10,000 Maniacs.. Because, the night belongs to...

Mace Windu tasers a number of snakes. Flight attendant even microwaves a snake.

The passengers build a barricade to keep the snakes away. A baby is saved by the older flight attendant that got bitten by a snake. They look up the passenger manifest and discover the only doctor onboard was already killed.

Mace Windu calls the FBI office and briefs them about the snakes and need an expert on snakes. The agents start to look for Dr. Steven Price.

Back on the plane, they look for weapons and grab all the fire extinguishers. Mace calls to Dr. Price. As the people panic, Mace Windu unites them and has them gather up all the dead snakes for identification.

Snakes attack and bite Rick, the copilot.

Snakes have broken through the barricade. Sean has everyone head into the first class section.

Claire, flight attendant, and Mace Windu struggle trying to fly the plane.

Stuffy businessman tosses flighty blonde chick’s dog to the snakes. Boa constrictor eats the dog and manages to crush the business guy and swallow his head.

Little did people realize that Hai Karate would lure boas to consume business men...

I'll show all those Anacondas what a Boa can do...

The plane is flying too low. Rick is still alive.

The passengers barricade 1st class.

Dr. Price realizes that all the snakes are from all over the world. No hospitals carry all the foreign anti-venoms. He does know about one dealer that can handle all those SNAKES.

The air isn’t recycling. The breakers need to be reset and are in the cargo hold. The rap star, 3 Gs, is freaking out. The older attendant dies.

Mace Windu heads in the cargo hold and uses the aerosol can to BBQ a SNAKE. He resets the breakers.

The FBI agents go for the snake handler, Kreitzer, who happens to have plenty of the anti-venoms.

Rick dies. Snakes are crawling all over the cockpit.

Troy, bodyguard of 3 G’s, can fly the plane. Mace Windu is ready to clean the snakes out.

Time to get all Mace Windu on those legless reptiles He shoots several windows out. Everyone strap in. Decompression ensues. The snakes are vacuumed out.

Mace Windu and Troy get to the cockpit. The ground control learns that Troy’s only experience is on flight simulators.

Brace for landing. The emergency crew pulls up.

Sean is bitten by a snake. Mace shoots him. It turns out that Sean had a bulletproof vest on.

Mace Windu gets a date with Claire. The blonde flight attendant swappin’ spit with Sean.

Later, Sean and Mace Windu go surfing…

What I say:

It is said that in order there is chaos, and in chaos there is order. In absolute madness, there is more than a fragment of genius. What does my deranged philosophical ramblings have to do with this movie? The fusion of chocolate and peanut butter was great not quite so with fudge and bacon(according to the Simpsons). This movie is close to the visual entertainment side. We have snakes. We have a plane. Combined the greatest idea ever devised...No false advertising here. Nothing like Blue Monkey not having a monster that is blue or even a monkey.

In 2006, the buzz about Snakes on a Plane was incredible. Even if most of the publicity wasn't much more just bad punchlines. I missed it at the theater...Finally got around to watching it when the scavenging through the discount DVD bin. For $3, it called to me. This is definitely a movie to turn your brain off and enjoy. I sat in awe of this movie's derangedness. For all intents and purposes, this is a Saturday Night movie on the Sci-Fi Channel with Sam Jackson and of course the amped up violence, language, etc.

My description may be shorter than most of my other reviews. I didn't get into much detail about a lot of the characters which were pretty much the typical disaster character archetypes: Stuffy businessman, newlywed couple, kids, celebrity who freaks out (the germaphobic rap star), flight attendant on her last flight, horndog pilot. Many of the scenes are the typical disaster incidents: flight attendant calming a passanger scared of flying, the slapping someone who's distraught, losing the pilot...There wasn't the elderly character as a passenger like Wilford Brimley or Ernest Borgnine...

Why was I thinking this movie was Turbulence with snakes? Unqualified character flying a large plane through landing. Any movie with a plane in danger, you have to have an unqualified character fly the plane and be talked through a landing. It is more required than a cop on his last week before retiring getting shot so his partner can go after the killer.

My biggest movie complaint is the "too dark to see" scenes. Why do they have to make things so hard to see? In a way, it is understandable. A forest at late nights isn't going to be brilliantly lit up. The darkness is used not for the story but just to be hard to see what is going on. If the scene is too dark we don't need as good visual effects.

This movie is more entertaining that is has any right to be. Anyone expecting it to be "thought-provoking" got suckered into watching it. Snakes on a plane attacking the passengers and can only hope Mace Windu caps those invertebrates before it's too late...

Quotable Dialogue
"A'ite ladies..."
"Look at the Howard Hughes of rap."
"Yeah, my booty went thump."
"Sporks?"
"Snakes on crack."
"I went through a pyromaniac phase as a kid."
"All praises to the PlayStation!"
Morals of the Story
Rappers need to always carry hand sanitizer.
Snakes are electrical engineers.
Dogs love anti-depressants.
Snakes bites can kill in 4.3 seconds.
Snakes hide in barf bags.