Phantom Raiders (1989)

Cast:

Miles O'Keeffe is Python
Mike Monty is Colonel Marshall

What the box says:

Deep in the jungles of Vietnam, a new threat is emerging, as a former United State Special Force Commando is training the Vietcong in terrorism tactics. The CIA gets wind of this terrorist training camp and sends in the Phantom Raiders, led by Howard Marshall (Miles O'Keeffe), to take care of the problem.

After weeks of intensicve training in stealth and high-tech weaponry, the team is dropped into the jungle and proceeds to the camp, though many obstacles appear to slow their pace. Once they reach the camp, though, Howard comes face-to-face with his past.

Nonstop action fules this fast-paced, high-adventure movie that any action fan would enjoy.

Plot:

In a jungle battle, the machine gunning and bazooka fu ensues as random guys are mowed down. They finally surrender and are taken to the Communist Terrorist Training Camp© of Colonel Howard.

Fighter who is tied to a rope that is Rube Goldbergly connected to the trigger of a machine gun pointed at another prisoner is fighting a prisoner. When fighter manages to throw his opponent on some Punjab sticks, the gun’s trigger is pulled which opens fire on the other prisoner.

Colonel Howard wants the prisoners to admit what they were up to. One gets a hold of a gun is promptly mowed down.

Another bloodsport battle ensues. Another prisoner is thrown on the Punjab sticks, and another is gunned down.

Colonel Howard lets one prisoner go and gives him a 5 minute head start. Most Dangerous Game ensues. Well, Colonel Howard catches and executes him.

Later, while the Communist Terrorists© are training, a man and woman are spying on the camp.

Paparrazi from the 1980s had cameras that were slightly bigger than sniper rifles. They head away and are being chased by the goons. The man is shot and hobbles along. The woman is able to get a machine gun and mows some goons down. Good, they almost went out a gunfight for 3 minutes. The man gives her the film and will stay behind.

The goons catch the wounded man. The woman is wounded but rescued by a group of men who get her out.

The man is taken to the Communist Terrorist Training Camp©. Colonel Howard wants answers when not getting any from the wounded man. The goons shoot him.

Elsewhere, PYTHON is given photos of the Communist Terrorist Training Camp© and of Colonel Howard who was the best Green Beret. PYTHON and 3 others, and Howard Marshall, the Colonel’s son, will be sent to Vietnam. If they do not succeed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of their actions. Yes, steal from Mission Impossible…

3 guys meet with a gang for a drug buy. However, the gang manages to rip them off. Suddenly, NINJAS attack the gang? Who else uses throwing stars? PYTHON is the ninja he wants the guys to join the mission and offers them $250,000 each for the mission.

Let the training begin. PYTHON briefs them before their first exercise to cross a booby-trapped forest in 10 minutes. Snipers will be after them, and it is a live fire exercise. The 3 get across but are 10 seconds over time. PYTHON chews them.

Later, the 3 are playing poker when PYTHON bursts in and opens fire on their table. They must always be prepared for the enemy.

Let the training montage ensue without any wonderful 1980s inspirational rock. Throwing stars, Gymkata Fu, and Bolo Fu. Howard and PYTHON try ambushing the guys again who get the drop on them until PYTHON uses the disappearing Ninja powder. We are graced with watching 3 Tarzan rope swings while being shot at with machine guns.

The CIA operative is impressed with PYTHON’s results but is still worried about Howard on the mission. He wants PYTHON to terminate Colonel Howard with extreme prejudice should Howard not be able to do it.

The Force gets into Vietnam. Commando skulking through the jungle ensues along with ninja style dispatching of the goons. Finally, let the machine guns be broken out again. A flock of goons arrive.

Back at the Communist Terrorist Training Camp©, Colonel Howard learns of the attack.

Grenade fun and jumping guys ensue. The force is able to dispatch several more goons in hand to hand combat.

2 of the guys force a farmer to take them down the river but run into a goon boat. The guys manage to take care of those goons and get to the edge of the Communist Terrorist Training Camp©. While searching the base, Garner finds a boy and his mother, Colonel Howard’s wife.

Guy versus Victor from the bloodsports from the beginning of the movie. We learn that kung fu isn’t able to combat a machine gun until you learn the Golden Glow from the Last Dragon.

Back at the house, Colonel Howard’s wife tries shooting Garner but the other guy kills her.

Another batch of goons are dispatched from the rest of the Force using a missile jeep.

The camp is under fire. Actually, it is chaos in the camp…

More grenade fu with plenty of jumping guys ensuing. Goons are sniped out of the trees by the heroes. Gunbattle on…

A chopper approaches the Communist Terrorist Training Camp©. The force readies to assault the camp. If you though mowing down Communist Terrorists couldn’t get boring, you’d be wrong.

The camp attack begins. More evil henchmen are mowed down the blades of grass your lawn when it’s mowed. Bazooka fu. Garner is hit and finally is dispatched to Valhalla or wherever bearded fat guys who like not wearing shirts go…

The chopper starts launching missiles at the camp.

PYTHON is using his explosive throwing starts obviously borrowed from Storm Shadow.

The goons are still after the force and the chopper keeps attacking the camp up…

Colonel Howard finds his dead wife.

More Communist Terrorists are gunned down.

Howard catches his father, Colonel Howard. The wily Colonel is able to distract Howard by claiming how an awful son he was to get Howard’s gun. When all looks bleakest for him, PYTHON caps Colonel Howard.

PYTHON and Howard perforate some more goons and reach the pickup point and are airlifted to safety.

What I say:

Some movies get reviewed on every b-movie review site. While, I try to avoid doing all the same movies as others there will always be some repeats. Sure, you'll find the fact I try to research each movie as more hilarious than the Brittany Spears barber college. That joke will have died from a lack of freshness by the time my ten of fans have read it...Well, running Phantom Raiders through several sites and IMDB, I found slightly more than I did for BMX Bandits which was only reviewed on a German site.

Back to Phantom Raiders, Joe Bob Briggs interviewed Miles O'Keeffe. The script was roughly 30 pages while the average script length for this type of movie would be 120 pages. O'Keeffe was told that they put in more action scenes to cover the lack of script. All he remembers was being given a machine gun in the jungle and the extras fall over like they were shot. Does that really sound like a quality movie? No. I still heard "sideorderofninjas" all over this movie...

Writing about so many B-movies opens one's eyes to so many different genres that B-Movies encompass. From 30s horror, 50s sci-fi, giant bugs, splatterstick, kung fu, etc...I've not even delved into the numerous "sploitations" either..Well, what am I trying to get at now? Some genres don't get the acknowledgement they deserve. I've not had any experience with the sexy-Filipino-girls-with-machine-gun genre which what Phantom Raiders is basically without the sexy girls with guns. I'm sure some of you out there would be humming the Cramps "Bikini Girls with Guns" had you know the lyrics...Now found a genre I need to research and delve into until becoming an expert....

Any true child of the 80s remembers Tarzan, the Ape Man which has Bo Derek being painted up by cannibal natives. Well, Ator, the Fighting Eagle isn't quite as known by most people but for bad movie fans. What exactly connects those movies? Miles O'Keeffe who fell down into the ranks of b-movie action star faster than David Heavener.

Today, the glory of the 1980s synthesizer soundtrack cannot be contained by the decade of the 2000s. With the current technology, it is so much easier to create scores for movie soundtracks. It isn't a stretch to think that this synthesizer score was meant as an homage, the French word for ripoff, to Van Hammer's Miami Vice theme.

The 1980s saw the rise of the elite military squads that went back to Vietnam to recover prisoners of war. When Rambo and Chuck Norris are against something, what movie villains can stand against them? Well if any movie is made, it isn't hard for low budget movie producers to try and create a cheaper version. Golan Globulus took the Missing in Action series into even lower budgets with the final movie, Braddock: Missing in Action: 3. So many cheezy action movies from the 1980s were made that had a Rambo clone heading back to Vietnam to "bring our guys back.."

Most movies, are fairly easy to spot what decade they come from. Of course, there are a few freak movies like Carnivore that came out in 2002 but screams 1980s almost as much as hair metal kings, RATT. However, Phantom Raiders was made in 1989, it looks as faded as a low budget movie from the late 1970s. There doesn't seem to have been any video release of this movie. I wouldn't doubt that this movie had been lost until Digiview DVD of it popped up in the $1 DVD bins.

What do you say when a movie makes Braddock: Missing in Action: 3 seem like a truly great action movie like Die Hard? Even better, Phantom Raiders is almost as incoherent as Robo Vampire, Catman in Boxer's Blow, and Catman in Lethal Tracks. That is quite a claim considering those movies seem to have various random bits of movies spliced together. Phantom Raiders is more just having a number of random gun fights in the jungle with the Communist Terrorists torturing or gunning down prisoners.

My biggest bane in movies outside of "boring" ones are the infamous "too dark to see" scenes. Plenty of low budget movies have the day for night scenes which just gets funnier the more movies you run across that technique in. Phantom Raiders uses the too dark scenes are in the middle of day. It looks like noon , but with the jungle trees blocking the sun, it is incredibly hard to see in the jungle. Lighting the shadows in a jungle would have helped quite a bit.

If paying attention, it isn't a communist training camp or a terrorist training camp. It is far worse. It is a COMMUNIST TERRORIST TRAINING CAMP©!!! If anyone wants a drinking game, take a drink every time you hear COMMUNIST TERRORIST. Not hearing either word apart but just the aforementioned combining of both words. You'll wind up severely schnockered that way. Just hearing either Communist or Terrorist and taking a drink would place Keith Richards battling evil in another dimension. OK, subtle in-joke of Last Starfighter. Well, none of my attempts at humor are subtle...

Quotable Dialogue
"Stupid scum..."
"She's babbling about a Communist terrorist trainign camp."
"Who's bright young boy there?"
"The kid's father trains Communist terrorists."
Morals of the Story
Trespassing is a fatal offense.
CIA operatives must have palk tree murals on the walls.
Military training exercises require live ammo.
Summersaults are more impressive when people are shooting at you with an M-16.
Tripwires are easily found.
Machine guns don't have muzzle flashes.
Trees are bulletproof.