One Armed Executioner (1983)

Cast:

Franco Guerrero is Ramon Ortega (as Chito Guerrero)
Jody Kay is Ann
Mike Cohen
Pete Cooper

What the box says:

REVENGE IS SWEET . . .

His wife brutally murdered before his eyes - his arm chopped of as a warning - his job, his pride, his confidence gone ... a young Interpol agent's rage for life has but one meaning: REVENE, REVENGE, AND REVENGE.

Plot:

Mouse, the midget calls the Interpol chief about a big drug shipment. However, the bearded, Jason tosses the phone-booth with the midget in it into the bay.

Chef, Wo Jen, former Interpol agent, meets with Ramon and his wife Ann. Why am I getting the distinct impression that Ramon will be the One Armed Executioner? Anyways Ramon is sent to investigate the death of the midget.

At the scene, the booth is pulled from the water. The Interpol chief meets with Ramon and Sanchez about the investigation that will be delayed.

Ramon is sent off on another case. However the obligatory shower lovin’ ensues beforehand.

The next day, Ramon leads a raid on a plane when the shootout ensues.

Edwards, the criminal overlord with the worst Southern accent this side of the Mason Dixon line, is angry about the loss of a diary in the plane.

Back at Interpol, the Chief, Ramon, and Sanchez examine the coded diary. They decide to see if they can’t rattle Edwards.

After Sanchez and Ramon pay a call on the palatial Edwards’ estate, he wants the diary back and for Ramon to SUFFER…

That night a group of masked men rough Ramon up before smacking Ann around. Demanding the diary, they torture Ann before stabbing her. The group cuts off Ramon’s arm. Before passing out from the pain, he notices that one of the men is wearing a unique ring.

In the hospital, Ramon wakes up hysterical. Chief visits his agent who is ready to vow revenge.

Later, Ramon goes on a bender before trying to track the killers. Flashbacks to happier times ensue…

Wo Jen finally finds Ramon. He will train him after giving the obligatory Pat Morita style speech. A blindfolded Ramon is trained to heighten his other senses. The training montage to the funky Blaxsploitation instrumental theme ensues.

Wo Jen tries to help Ramon remember anything about the killers, any identifying marks, etc… He remembers the ornate ring. Ramon moves onto gun training to learn to shoot with his right hand. The time has come; Wo Jen is sure that Ramon is ready and gives him a bit of information about the ring. It is a doctor’s ring.

Ramon pays a visit on his doctor. Demanding names, they struggle. After Dr. Henderson gives him a lead he is promptly dispatched.

Chief learns of the doctor’s death and is sure that Ramon is involved.

Ramon tracks down Jason. During the fight, Jason gets nasty stomach wound.

Commando strike on Edwards’ estate, Ramon arrives to see Edwards escape but learns of the hidden drug refinery in the jungle.

Wo Jen and Ramon are in chopper searching for the drug refinery. Let the grenade fu remove Edwards’s lackeys. Ramon is on the ground after his enemy but can’t be stopped.

Wo Jen calls Interpol.

The wounded Jason can barely keep up with Edwards. Reaching the boat, Jason pushes it free and is left behind by Edwards.

Ramon gets back to the chopper and chase Edwards. One grenade later, Ramon is going criminal fishing by blowing up the crime lord to get the fish…Now, he wants to take care of Jason once and for all.

Jason staggers away but is caught by Ramon. Tossing him a gun and turning away, Jason goes for the gun but isn’t as fast as the One-Armed executioner who puts a few ounces of lead to insure he’s deader than disco.

As Ramon gets back to the chopper, the Chief and Sanchez are there. Chief offers Ramon his job back. However, Ramon’s work is done…

What I say:

Midget tossing, unnecessary amputation, and paramilitary training. It had me at midget tossing...It had me at midget tossing...I've made many jokes at the expense of the Italian film industry. While, those jokes are at least based on fact. There are other countries that make Italy look coherent and well-developed. The legends of Turkey creating a Turkish Star Wars or 3 Dev Adam that has Captain America and Santo battle an evil Spiderman sound like proof that people don't need pharmaceutical enhancements with movies like that to feast upon them like a gaggle of vultures upon the latest roadkill buffet.

Ever notice how guns in movies don't have muzzle flashes and sound like the shot noise is dubbed in post production? If so, welcome to the Filipino action movie from the 70s. How could I have gone this long with tackling any Filipino action movies? Sadly, another genre I'm going to have to search for in the future..

Where would the revenge movie be without the training montage? The hero has to be shown gettin' tuff. Not just trainign but entering the proper mindset of the warrior. Visualizing the upcoming battle focusing and defining every iotat of his being into defeating his foe for honor, vengeance, or for getting the last twinkie at the convience store...The training montage doesn't need the Karate Kid or Rocky 4 theme song playing in the background to show how he's geting stronger for the inevitable confrontation.

Why do all flashbacks to happier times must have a cut scene to a beach? At least the slow motion running into wife's arms and then being torn from her wasn't included with him waking screaming his head off. We do have to have him wake from a nightmare and realize his arm is gone...

Edwards has to be in the bottom 5 worst dubbed characters of all time. Heard characters in Gamera movies that sound more realistic. Yes, the infamous Japanese dockworker with the Brooklyn accent from Gamera Vs Monster X. Back to Edwards, if his southern drawl were any longer, he'd be tripping people on the other side of the planet. "Ahwww rekkun yu needs to sound mur Sutheryn..."

The doctor was working for Edwards? What better way to make a man suffer than cutting his arm off but insuring that he doesn't die from bloodloss or infection after lopping it off? Now there's a compassionate or sadistic crime lord. Death is to easy for his foe. But cutting off one arm is a longer torture to endure.

This movie was played dead serious. The 1970s style action movie was more flat out action. The characters weren't the stereotypical action starts that we grew up in the 1980s. No catchy one-liners like "I'll be Backkk", etc...This is a story who wants revenge after losing his wife and his arm. Though, it is hard to take his missing arm serious. This isn't like the Crippled Masters that had one actor missing legs and another missing arms that are united almost like an organic Voltron. Ever notice how our hero after losing his arm looks like he's trying to hide it behind his back? Why else would he be wear pillowy white shirts that look more like peasant tops sold at Helga's Big and Beautiful?

Quotable Dialogue
"The Mouse has been trashed."
"We need information not dead bodies."
"You need a friend"
"I'm glad you're beginning to rejoin the human race, Ramon."
"A chalice....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a chalice....."
"GUARDS GITTEM'!!!!"
"Now lets find Jason."
Morals of the Story
Phonebooths aren't airtight.
The Phillipines has a coast guard.
Blonde women scream more than breathe.
One armed men need to walk logs blindfolded.
Merry-Go-Rounds make excellent shooting galleries.
Fishponds need guardhouses.
M-16s can easily be handled one handed.