Ninja Destroyer (1970, 1986/1987)

Cast:

Stuart "Stuart Steen from Ninja in the Killing Field" Smith is Michael, Red Ninja
Bruce Baron is Byron, Black Ninja

What the box says:

Ninja warriors unleash their anger in heel-splitting battles over an emerald mine. See incredible kung-fu heel-to-skull techniques. Masterfully executed by Ninja Destroyers in this gripping rib-kicking bonanza of pain, revenge and intrigue!

Plot:

A crossbow duel leads into teleporting black and red ninjas fighting each other?
Who knew ninjas loved to bowhunt?
Hopefully, this image inspired Snake-Eyes to keep training...

Some mercenaries and rebels attack and set fire to a village.

Yahhhhhhhhhhhh, that's how Rambo screams when shooting, right? Even with a few villagers fighting the attackers, they manage to escape before the soldiers ride in and examine the destruction.

The rebels are planning on taking over the nearby emerald mine to finance their rebellion.

The Red Ninja is cart wheeling and training his school of red ninjas.

You will not mock my NINJA headband...

Some guys are watching a video of the Black Ninja versus the Red Ninja and the Red Ninja training. The government official orders Byron, the Black Ninja, to terminate Michael, the Red Ninja, who slaughtered the camp. He is also told about his contact, Chester.

Paul and Mary plan to take the emerald mine.

Cut back to more red ninja training. Michael warns his reds to watch out for the Black Ninja.

Several security guards find Chester (Black Ninja's contact). They're questioning him when the rebels attack and take him. Chester grabs hold of Mary and uses her as a shield to escape. Mary escapes from him. Paul captures Chester who escapes and takes Mary again. However, Mary escapes from him again.

A red ninja patrols the jungle when a White Ninja stabs him. By the way, the Black Ninja is now the White Ninja.

Security guys grab Chester.

White Ninja prepares to train.

Red Ninja talks with Mary about Chester.

The rebels attack the territory surrounding the emerald mine.

Jane frees Chester and the escape. Byron, (Black-White Ninja) wants Julie to help Chester.

What's my motivation? Ohhhhh, I'm actually a ninja in another movie...

White Ninja dispatches another red ninja. Later Byron tells Chester to handle the security guys and the rebels. Both groups that want to take over the mine for their own nefarious purposes.

Harold, leader of the security forces, wants the mine owner to sign it over to him when Chester comes to her rescue.

White Ninja blowguns the last red ninja.

The rebels attack the security guys at the mine. Let the gunfight ensue. Harold stabs the rebel leader. Somehow everyone left is talked into working together.

Finally, elsewhere, White Ninja versus the Red Ninja.

Just to remind everyone. This is the Black Ninja... Let the gymnastic-ninja fu ensue with shades of teleportation before the White Ninja stabs the Red Ninja and walks away.

What I say:

With a website like SideOrderOfNinjas you'd that I'd be tapping more ninja movies especially if the movies have ninjas with headbands emblazened with the word "NINJA" than just Ninja Death 1, Ninja Wars, and Shogun's Ninja. I do like to alternate movie genres so as to keep the different types pop up well except for all the gorilla movies from the past couple of months.

After the 1980s, great American trilogy of movies: Enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja, and Ninja 3: Domination along with the all the American Ninjamovies, we've seen movies like that will inspire sub-genres in some other countries whether for themselves or to try to milk them in the good USA blooming video market. These infamous ninja movies derived from a 1970 kung fu movie, throw in a few scenes with white guys and the great 1980s action movies are ready...Change the title to something with "Ninja" and a masterpiece movie is ready. Yes, marvel at the magic of 1980s "Ninja" movies.

Godfrey Ho's movies have visited, plagued, or haunted my site earlier: In fact, Catman in Boxer's Blow, Catman in Lethal Track, and Robo Vampire were some of first few reviews. Obviously, what I watched didn't scare me away. Movies with a Cat Man or for all intents and purposes having Robocop on the DVD cover are just fuel to the B-movie fan.

Low budget movies typically have to try to cut expenses down as much as possible. Shooting day for night is a known camera trick. Well, Godfrey Ho loved the use of "cutting-and-pasting" of taking footage from one movie especially scenes of caucasian actors to include and as well as of footage from other movies be they old, unfinished, or unreleased Asian movies. Notice how the ninjas don't ever really interact with any of the main characters. Notice how even with "Ninja" menioned in the title, how little ninja action we have. All they did was take some action scenes pepper them between a few guy in ninja suits fighting, and toss in a couple of white guys and movies like Ninja Destroyer or Ninja in the Killing Fields were born. With a little judicious narration, a movie and typically a Ninja movie was born. Coherency or logic aren't in any of those movies. Have to say, I'm surprised that Uwe Boll hasn't tried doing anything like that, yet..

Most of Ninja Destroyer is a number of random gunfights that might be more realistic if 6 year olds handed the actors several cap pistols and maybe staged the gunfights. Yes, 6 year olds would be like John Woo direct action scenes in this movie. Somehow, a John Woo movie done by 6 year olds sounds almost as good as the movies done in 30 seconds by bunnies. However, let's not only mention the typical gunfights. With Bruce Lee in the 1970s and movies like from the 2000s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and all those other very stylistic movies. The 1980s aren't quite as remembered as great martial arts wise excluding what Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, and Jet Li started doing. Low budget martial arts typically weren't quite as cut and pasted as Godfrey Ho did. Most of the action scenes were because of Chester randomly walking into trouble, fighting, and walking into more trouble.

Badly dubbed movies is typical b-movie cannon fodder from the mistimed Japanese monster movies to the other corners of the world. Stuart Smith may have been raised in Australia. However, I have to think that an Australian accent can't quite be as easily recognizable. Jacko from all the battery commercials or Paul Hogan from Crocodile Dundee didn't sound as Australian as the Red Ninja.

Quotable Dialogue
"I suspect it wasn't anything that innocent."
"Good luck, brother."
"I'm afraid he might be a CIA operative."
"I never trust anyone who'll doublecross me."
"Did you get any news about Byron?"
"If you want to live to your next birthday, you better leave."
Morals of the Story
Ninjas love to hunt with crossbows.
Duels are typically fought with crossbows.
It is easy for 2 arrows to be shot at each other and hit head to head.
All swords make wooshing noises.
Ninjas wear headbands emblazened with the word "Ninja."
All ninjas are caucasians.