Meet the Feebles (1989)

Frogs of War
Just the Feebles

Voice Cast:

Donna Akersten is Samantha the Cat/The Sheep
Stuart Devenie is Sebastian/Dr. Quack/Daisy the Cow/Sandy the Chicken
Mark Hadlow is Heidi/Robert/Barry the Bulldog
Brian Sergent is Wynyard the Frog/Trevor the Rat/The Fly
Peter Vere-Jones is Bletch/Arfur the Worm

What the box says:

Like Jim Henson's Muppet movies, Meet the Feebles is a film starring an entire cast of puppets. However, in Meet the Feebles, Peter Jackson takes the concept of the cute puppet movie and stands it on its ear. The story is set on a run-down theatre in the sleaziest part of town. This is the home of the "Feebles Variety Show," a second-rate show with a third-rate producer and no-rate performers. The producer, a cigar-chomping walrus called Bletch, finally has a chance to crack the big time. Tonight's performance is to be televised live, and if it rates well, the Feebles will get their own syndicated series. Bletch has his characters that make up the Feebles company. When you've got an incompentent, panic-stricken fox as director, a rabbit in the throes of V.D. as MC, a junkie knife-throwing frog and a rat who makes pornos in the basement with cows and cockroaches, you know it ain't gonna be easy. Things get worse for Bletch when a drug deal he sets up with a psychotic boar turns nasty and a war with Mr. Big the Whale, the undisputed king of the underwaterworld, ensues. But Bletch's biggest problem is his long time lover, Heidi the Hippo, who has been repalced in the show with his new mistress, a Siamese pussy named Samantha. Heidi, her mental balance completely destroyed, is about to make an unannounced entrace center stage. Hell hath no fury like a scorned hippo with a machine gun...

Plot:

The “Meet the Feebles” rehearsal is started when Harry the Rabbit, the emcee announces Heidi the Hippo. However, Trevor the rat insults her and causes her to storm off the stage. Heidi heads straight to Bletch the Walrus’s off, her boyfriend and producer. Bletch barely has time to hide Samantha the Siamese cat with whom he’s been engaging in a little ofTed Nugent’s “Cat Scratch Fever.”

Wobert the Hedgehog has a letter inviting him to join the Feebles chorus. Arthur the worm, stage manager, introduces him. Wobert casts eyes at Lucille the poodle. You can almost hear the harps playing.

Heidi is jogging.

The Rosie O'Donnell workout will do wonders for you, too...

Trevor is expecting a new shipment. Wynyard the Frog hits him up for a hit.

Bletch is asked by a goldfish fur an audition. Bletch auditions him by eating the fish.

Wobert is trying to get the nerve up to ask out Lucille.

Bletch and Barry the Bulldog, the bodyguard, head off to the golf course. Bletch is playing golf with Sir Cedric, the Scottish warthog.

A'vast, shiver me timbers..Wait, what does a Scottish accent sound like?

Heidi gets back to the theater. Samantha insults her and how Bletch wants her. The Cat-hippo fight ensues.

Arthur tries to help Wobert by giving him the idea to serenade Lucille.

You know where you are, you're in the jungle, baby...

Sid the elephant learns that Sandy the chicken is going to serve him with a paternity suit for the child: the chicken with an elephant head.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to it's trunk?

Heidi recalls how she first met Bletch.

Back on the gold course, Cedric and Bletch trade the drugs for the money.

Harry is enjoying himself with a few friends.

Wobert heads into the basement and discovers a cow and cockroach engaged in S & M? Wobert tries to aid the cow but learns he’s ruining Trevor’s adult entertainment: porno. Trevor gets rid of the crushed cockroach’s body. He needs a new actor and thinks of Dennis the anteater, the one who loves to smell anything dirty.

Wynyard tries his knife-throwing. He is shaking.

Let the opera musical bit ensue.

Now this is what opera should be like... Sebastian the Fox, the director, is angry with Wobert and decides the best place for him is to be the new assistant for Wynyard, the knife thrower.

Harry is continually being harassed by the fly the paparazzi.

Wobert meets Wynyard who was in ‘Nam. Flashback to the Tet offensive in 1968. The Vietcong catches Wynyard’s squad in a POW camp. Let the Deer Hunter Russian Roulette scene, he manages to escape. Wynyard gets some money from Wobert.

Trevor shows Bletch the stills of Dennis. They decide the cow is worn out and need a new lady star. Trevor is thinking of Lucille.

Harry faints. Doctor Quack checks him out and learns it’s the Big One. Harry wants to do this one show without anyone knowing.

Some Swami master does his snake charming before accidentally sticking his head up one of the orifices of his body.

Sebastian warns Bletch about the Swami and wanting to do his song.

Heidi heads to the bakery.

The fly gets the picks on Harry.

Wobert and Lucy are going to get engaged. Later, Trevor offers to put her in movies and spikes her drink. Wobert returns and sees Lucille staggering.

Heidi sings before falling down. Sebastian chews her out. Running back to Bletch, she discovers Samantha polishing the tusk.

At the drug pickup, Bletch lets Dennis test the stuff and discovers it is Borax which melts the unfortunate Dennis. They learn Mr. Big shipping the drugs out. Bletch and Barry grab their guns to take care of business.

Sebastian tells Bletch that Heidi refuses to play. He talks with Heidi and takes one for the team.

Later, at the dock, Bletch, Trevor, and Barry take care of the goons and get the drugs. The spider crane gets Barry when Mr. Big, the whale, pops up. Trevor drives the car through the whale.

Back at the show, Bletch learns Harry’s disease. Trevor will handle the fly.

Wynyard shoots up.

Wobert doesn’t want to see Lucille again.

Bletch grabs the fly and rips off his wings.

Heidi wants more Bletch. Finally, he snaps and tells how disgusting she is and will fire. Heidi starts hearing everyone laughing at her.

Pus-filled Harry does his emcee bit.

Heidi is about to hang herself, but the rope breaks.

Sebastian gets Wynyard.

Heidi gets a gun when Samantha walks in. The big lesson is not to anger hippo whose life is ruined. Samantha promptly loses Life # 9.

At the knife-throwing bit, Wynyard sees Wobert as a Vietcong. Somehow, Wynyard accidentally knifes himself.

Sebastian has decided he must do his song.

Harry learns he just has bunnypox. While celebrating his life, Heidi shoots him.

Sebastian does his song, Sodomy. Heidi starts mowing down the cast backstage. As the Feebles closing song, Heidi starts mowing down the cast on the stage. Sid gets shot in the kneecaps trying to save his baby. Wobert swings to Lucille’s rescue. Wobert professes his love.

Bletch gets mowed down like the Russian copter by Rambo. Trevor nicks her who promptly perforates him. She sings her song.

Heidi was put in prison and after being released is working in a supermarket.

Wobert and Lucy get married. Wobert becomes a favorite women’s photographer.

Sid starts a barely profitable greenhouse with his son.

Arthur the worm retired.

Sebastian is negotiating the movie rights to his book, “The Feebles Variety Massacre.”

What I say:

On a very special SideOrderOfNinjas review this week, I'm glad to announce this is the 250th review. Hard to believe I've done that many reviews. Not bad from a guy who rants incoherently and tosses the word "ninja" to create new words (has anyone used the word "ninjabate" in the past week?). I'm glad to have gotten this far and wouldn't have made it this far without knowing that out they're I've managed to have distracted people from more important things. So thank you, my ten of fans. You're all second degree Wisconsin drinking ninjas to me...

Aw, Peter Jackson, again? Bad Taste, Dead Alive, and Frighteners. I've been stashing this movie back for something special. With so many sites out there hitting the famous b-movies as there first entries before shortly burning out, I try to keep the famous B-movies for special occasions or to keep them widely separated.

Some movies are so bad they have to be seen to appreciated. While some of my other fellow reviewers consider "B-Movies" to always be bad. My definition is a bit different. It has to fall into budget, story(aliens, monsters, etc...), or just feel like a review...However, I get the feeling that you'll never hear me review Gone With the Wind or To Kill a Mockingbird. Don't think anyone would argue that Meet the Feebles perfectly fits into my critieria. Unfortunately, it has been done so many times before, trying to be original is a challenge or for one of my truly ninjaliscious ten of fans to want to read it to keep from doing anything practical. Frankly, this movie has too many images and quotes that are so popular I could say just watching the movie would be better than reading my review. Just posting plenty of screen grabs and movie quotes would be more entertaining than this review. I thought the Guns N Roses joke was funny...

Anyone who watches Meet the Feebles will describe it as the Muppet Show on crack or some other sort of illegal drug. The story behind the curtains of a group of animals doing a variety show in a rundown theater. Though with every possible twisted idea possible. Drug dealing whales and warthogs. Not wanting to explain the Cow and cockroach S&M bit. Inter-species breeding, never thought I'd see a movie with a half chicken-elephant. So, it never forgets why it crossed the road. I'm almost afraid of how search engines will bring people with some of the keywords used.

A puppet re-enactment of a Vietnam POW camp which led to the Russian Roulette Deer Hunter scene is beyond sureal and hard to explain. It still has to be seen to be truly appreciated. Seeing that scene wants me to be able to see other scenes done puppetized. A puppetized version of Scarface granted they have the animals steal a load of drugs in this movie. A puppetized version of the first half of Full Metal Jacket? Barry the Bulldog as Private Joker with a puppet version of R. E Ermey...

It isn't that hard too see how some of the Feebles represent Muppets or even some of the Looney Toon characters. Heidi is Miss Piggy. Harry the Rabbit is Bugs Bunny. Barry the Bulldog represents the giant ogre, Sweetums. Arthur is Scooter. There isn't a correct connection of Fozzy and Kermit. Wynyard may be a frog but acts also as maniacally as Daffy Duck. The speech impaired, Wobert the Wombat, seems to be more the naive innocent character. The Muppets had some rats but none as down-right evil as Trevor the Rat.

The idea of the battles behind some successful show biz area be it a dance revue or television series has been done in far more movies than just this one. Though Meet the Feebles has better acting than Showgirls, yeah, yeah, cheap old joke...

Heidi's got a gun...While the typical joke would try to sing it to AeroSmith's "Janie's Got a Gun" can't help but think Heid's got a gun would work better with the Julie Brown epic song, "Homecoming Queen's got a Gun." Everybody run, Heidi the angry hippo's gotta gun..

Point to Ponder:
Anyone else notice that Dr. Quack sounded like Paul Lynde (Uncle Arthur from Bewitched)?

Quotable Dialogue
"I was just about to pop my cookies."
"I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer. "
"You want a hot potato to your sausage roll?"
"They don't call it bunnilingus for nothing, sweetheart."
"I've got a meaty part for you."
"There's Black Forest Cherry Chocolate cake in your cleavage."
Morals of the Story
Houseflies are great photographers.
Persian cats have Southern accents.
"One Leg Missing" is a great song.
Wombats love to perform Spanish love songs.
Communists are cannibals.
Anteaters should never snort any illegal drugs.
Emotionally disturbed hippos shouldn't allowed easy access to automatic weapons.