Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon (1964)

Ercole contro i tiranni di Babilonia

Cast:

Peter "I'm Rock Stevens!!!" Lupus is Hercules
Helga Liné is Taneal
Mario Petri is King Phaleg
Livio Lorenzon is Salman Osar
Anna Maria Polani is Asparia

What the box says:

An evil sorceress has taken the peole of Babylon captive and they are helpless to fight her powerful magic. Hercules, the legendary strongman, is the only one who can save them, but even he might not be strong enough to face her powers. Peter Lupus ("Mission Impossible") stars in this classic.

Plot:

3000 years ago in Babylon, the escaped slaves are defended by a single man.

The king wants more slaves. The soldiers are on slaving mission. Catching a village, the death march to Babylon ensues. Suddenly, Hercules appears to the rescue. The villagers bring captain to Hercules who sends him to the king. Hercules is searching for the missing queen of the Helenes.

Elsewhere, the Babylonians are working there slaves to death. Asperia, slave woman, stands up for her fellow slaves.

The captain is brought to Babylonian royalty. Salmanah, the bald general, Teneil, sorceress, and the weasley king guy. Teneil wants Bromir, the captain freed. She wants to hear stories of Hercules.

The slaves stage a fight so one slave can escape to find Hercules.

The Assyrian King, Feliek, greets the Babylonian royalty. She pays homage to them. Slaves bring in urns of gold coins. Feliek wants to buy all the Babylonian slaves.

Later, the royalty are suspicious of Feliek’s motives to repopulate his country with slaves. Teneil will get the truth from Feliek by any means.

Teneil drugs Feliek. He is searching for Asperia, the Queen of Helenes who is a captured slave. He wants to marry Asperia unite the Helenes with Assyria.

Some goons are after a man. Hercules is to the rescue. The man dies. Hercules realizes that Asperia is in Babylon.

Babylon, the royals plan to terminate Feliek. They also decide to find Asperia. Any slaves that turn over Asperia will be rewarded.

Hercules stumbles across a battle before getting involved. The rebels are glad Hercules came to the rescue. The leader wants Hercules to rescue Asperia. The leader sends one of his men along to assassinate Hercules after the rescue.

The slaves are being tortured…”I am Spartacus” fu ensues… among the slave women. The Babylonians learn that Hercules is approaching for his queen. They decide to invite Hercules to the palace to spy on him.

Feast fu, the nobility want Hercules to demonstrate his strength. Fighting 3 guys, Hercules realizes that they were using dangerous weapons.

Later, Hercules has his men lead him to the slave tunnels. He’ll free Asperia and the slaves, very soon.

Teneil will use the slaves to turn a winch to collapse Babylon’s foundations. She’ll leave the city with the treasures and rule from Nineveh.

Teneil offers Hercules’s help. If he uses the winch to free the treasure door, she’ll let him leave with the slaves.

The guards have grabbed, Asperia. Hercules is in muscle-bound pursuit by throwing Styrofoam boulders at them.

Devious king wants Asperia for himself. Bald king kills smarty king and wants Asperia. She manages to run off.

Hercules finds her and will cover her escape.

Teneil plans her getaway.

Hercules starts using the winch to tear Babylon’s foundations. He’s bringing down the house in a non-Queen Latifayah fashion. Destruction reigns on the city.

Teneil leaves Bromir behind

Evil slave wants to sell Asperia who’s grabbed by Teneil.

Where did you get such a great moisturizer?
She wants to deliver Asperia to Feliek.

Hercules finishes using the wheeling.

The army is ready to surround Babylon and let the stock footage of war ensue.

Evil slave tells Hercules everything about ordered to assassinate him, etc…

Teneil brings Asperia to Feliek when Hercules arrives.

The freed slaves attack the army. The fight is on. Hercules kills Feliek and Teneil is killed somehow. The happy slaves walk home…

What I say:

After Steve Reeves in Hercules, he did some more sword and sandal epics though normally not as Hercules: Giant of Marathon and White Warrior. The Italian movie studios decided to keep making Hercules movies even without Steve Reeves through the 1960s. Even in the 1980s, after Conan the Barbarian, they did more barbarian movies and even tried re-starting Hercules with Lou Ferrigno. Nothing against Jade Giant, Lou, but those 2 Italian Hercules had 2 small problems. 1.) They weren't good enough. 2.) They were AWFUL!!! The stop motion attacks.

Cheap movies don't need much to get a muscled guy to throw styrofoam boulders at nameless goons. Aerodynamic boulders ought to make any movie somewhat more entertaining. However, Hercules is more that just the typical muscle-bound hero regardless of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Hercules in New York or Kevin Sorbo's considerate version from the 1990s syndication.

This is just one of those utterly forgettable sword and sandal movies. I just couldn't really get interested into it. A movie that is so dull as to keep every fact disappear from the brain. I've been trying to remember anythingg about the movie at all and could barely just recall it was set in a desert. A movie that makes you have to concentrate to recall any detail is in pretty bad shape. What kind of movie is worse? A truly forgettable movie or a completely boring movie? Massacre has been what I consider to be the worst movie on my site. Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon almost inched it out of its horrendous throne.

Quotable Dialogue
"If you love me, kill me."
"Never have I seen the splendor of the full moon in daylight."
"The weapons are harmless for this is not MORTAL KOMBAT!!!"
"The evil must be cut off at the roots."
Morals of the Story
Men wore breastplates and skirts.
Babylonians dress like ninjas.
Styrofoam boulders are heavy.
Slaves have homing pigeons.
Don't joust with a 5 foot long club.
Beards are great disguises.
Rocks sound like styrofoam.
Landslides typically cause fires.