The movie opens in a desert during a storm. The credits are written across shrouds of mummified corpses.
We pan to a city at night.
A giant haired girl, Roxy, rides off in her convertible. She stops by a gas station to meet her boyfriend, Tom, a gas station attendant.
You mean I get to be the hero even though my dad's directing this movie....
Apparently, Roxy’s father writes adventure books. She drives off. Tom gets off in a few more minutes.
Roxy almost runs over Eegah.
Cavemen should wear reflective bright clothes at night.
Wouldn't have been run over if I were this colorful.
She promptly faints after seeing a giant guy in a caveman toga with a club. He looks at the car. Roxy wakes up pretending to be unconscious. Eegah is scared by the car horn when he hits it. Tom pulls up, not seeing the caveman. Roxy is scared tells him of Eegah.
At a club, Tom and Roxy meet her father. Dad who actually is Arch Hall Sr. with a pseudonym doesn’t believe she saw a caveman. Tom volunteers to search for the giant. It is agreed to search in the morning.
The next morning, Tom finds a giant footprint. This vindicates Roxy. They all follow the tracks until they head to Shadow Mountain (creepy, huh?). Arch Hall Sr. will search the mountain himself for Eegah.
The helicopter has been prepped and Arch Sr. flies off in it. The pilot lets safari Arch Sr. out to begin the search in earnest. (All together now, eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww… ”Know what I mean Vern.). Eegah sees the copter in the distance, runs scared. Professor Arch takes some pictures of the remains of a burnt out fire. Eegah is there with his club in the ready. Professor Arch falls down, pleading.
Now from the possible horror of what befell Professor Arch to the horror of Arch Hall Jr. assaulting music by singing “I Love You, Vicki.” Roxy hits the pool and isn’t bothered about her boyfriend singing about another girl. Later, she calls the pilot. The copter has broken down and won’t be able to pick up the Professor. Tom and Roxy take the dune buggy to pick him up.
If you are offended by gratuitous dune buggying, this is second only to Girl in the Gold Boots. The buggy will get stuck but eventually get out. They get to the place dad is to be picked up. He’s not there.
That night, they make a camp. Roxy is worried about Professor Arch. Tom is sure he’ll show up any time, now. She is also worried when learning Tom has a gun. As a kazoo is heard in the background, Tom assaults us again with his guitar singing of Valerie. Eegah hears the song. Somehow, Roxy likes the song. After they are both asleep, Eegah sneaks into the camp find s the fire. He spots Roxy. Tom’s radio turns on scaring Eegah away. Neither of them sees Eegah but find his club.
In the morning, hit the sand in the dune buggy. They find dad’s smashed camera. Keep searching, Tom goes to find a path for the buggy, leaving Roxy alone. We get the first wildlife stock footage of the movie, but certainly not the last. Tom is off when Eegah grabs the Tennessee fainting Roxy. Tom hears the buggy’s horn. He rushes back but Roxy is gone by the time he gets back.
Eegah takes Roxy to his cave. Dad awakens when they enter the cave. Eegah drags a boulder over the entrance. You can’t even trust your neighbors in the desert. Roxy and her father have a touching reunion. Eegah begins smelling Roxy.
I'm sorry I forgot my line...
It is hard to keep from any b.o. jokes. Roxy is thoroughly creeped out by the sniffing Eegah. She spots the mummified remains of Eegah’s ancestors in the cave. Eegah
begins introducing her to the family. Professor Arch thinks Roxy’s suffering is funny. Roxy gets to sample Eegah’s cooking.
Tom is searching as we get a stock footage coyote.
Back in the cave, Roxy is trying the sulfur water and notices the cave paintings.
Tom is still looking around.
Dad and Roxy are trying to keep Eegah busy. Professor Arch postulates that the sulfur water has kept Eegah’s tribe alive for a long time.
Eegah leaves the cave. Dad and Roxy are trapped inside. She finds the carpet bag. Roxy volunteers to shave dad. Roxy has Professor Arch lathered up. He wants her to escape and to leave him behind, when Eegah returns bearing flowers and a dead rabbit. They have to keep Eegah’s mind off of Roxy. Eegah watches the shaving before he wants to be shaved, too.
Stock footage Gila monsters or are they horny toads?
A little privacy here...Do you mine?
Tom awakens and continues the search. Tom is still on patrol.
Roxy has Eegah nice and cleaned up. He sees himself in the mirror. He is very happy and starts smelling Roxy’s scarf again. Eegah is starting to get a bit grabby. Roxy is trying to keep him distracted, though. Eventually, they go outside. Professor Arch sneaks out after them. Tom is still looking all over the place. Eegah is extremely grabby at this point. He spots Professor Arch and pushes Roxy away to charge Arch Sr.
Tom hears a scream, opens fire. Eegah grabs Roxy and her purse before getting away. Tom finds the Professor. Tom is after Eegah. Dad heads for the dune buggy. Eegah breaks Tom’s gun in half. Weasel Boy, Arch Hall Jr. then tries to sucker punch Richard “Jaws” Kiel. It’s like Pauly Shore trying to ambush Bruce Lee. Eegah is only madder that a little Flock of Seagull haired loser tried to hurt him. He knocks Tom, woozy. Eegah returns to Roxy. Tom manages to knock him down by throwing rocks at him. Tom escapes with Roxy from the bloody and sad Eegah.
Professor Arch is at the dune buggy and spots Tom and Roxy approaching. Eegah is in hot pursuit. Tom drives away from the caveman chasing after them. He can’t keep pace with the dune buggy. He is atop a nearby cliff tries throwing boulders at them. Roxy feels sorry for the poor lonely caveman. Eegah goes back to his cave and talks with his ancestors. Grabs the scarf, he will track her down.
Eegah runs through the desert night after Roxy. He gets to the highway. A little dog scares him away.
A drunk and his wife are arguing about him being able to drive. She throws his bottle away. He goes after it and sees the giant Eegah. He realizes he’s had enough to drink.
Eegah keeps searching. He finds a shop with mannequins in the display window. He doesn’t understand glass.
Dad and Roxy are going to a party tonight. Roxy wonders if it is right for them to keep Eegah a secret. Dad convinces her it is the only way for him to be safe. Tom arrives. Roxy isn’t in the best spirits for a party. They all head to the hop.
Eegah breaks into the house, no one is there. Unable to master the intricacies of a doorknob, he smashes the door down. Screaming women, Eegah has discovered a ladies room. He walks into a restaurant, scaring everyone there. Eegah tosses a nerdy jerk into the pool. All fall before the power of Eegah. The police are finally called about a 7’2” guy with a club.
At the hop, Tom is singing or trying to once more. Roxy is trying to think deep thoughts but not those by Jack Handey. Dad wanders about, talking with Roxy. She apparently can sense Eegah now. Roxy is like her mother concerned about all creatures. Roxy feels pity, etc or something for Eegah.
Eegah is running somewhere while Tom is talking with the professor. Eegah is scaring people at a motel. Cops are on the scene. But, Eegah manages to hide from them.
Back at the hop, Roxy is “dancing” while Tom has someone take over for him with the band. They actually dance is that 60s definition of rhythmless white people acting cool dancing. Dad watches from a distance a non Bette Midler distance. Pasty boy steals Roxy for a dance. Eegah climbs over the fence. Tom takes Roxy back. Pasty boy versus Arch Hall Jr. for the love of Roxy. They see Eegah approach.
The cops arrive. All fall before the power of Eegah who goes after Roxy. He drops her. The cops open fire. On a personal note, as a kid I had cap guns better than what these guys are using. Eegah falls into the pool. Roxy starts crying.
Everyone gathers around the pool. Roxy and Tom embrace. The other kids question what Eegah was. The movie ends quoting from the Bible.