Critters (1986)

Cast:

Dee "Elliot's Mom who turns into a werewolf " Wallace Stone is Helen, the Mom
M. Emmet Walsh is the Sheriff
Billy "Little over a decade I'll be chasing Kate Winslett on the Titanic" Zane is Steve
Scott Grimes is Brad
Nadine Van Der Velde
Don Opper is Charley, the town drunk
Ethan "Waiting for Star Trek: Voyager to call" Phillips is Deputy Jeff
Terrence "Power of the Night" Mann is Ug

What the box says:

"Both Thumbs up!" said Ebert and Siskel about CRITTERS, a horrific story of carnivorous aliens who come to Earth in a feeding frenzy for human flesh. It's no picnic for the Brown family when a lethal litter of Krites arrives unannounced at their Kansas farm. Trapped in a deadly nightmare, the terrified Browns fight for their lives against the attacking blood thirsty monsters. But, it's a losing battle until two intergalactic bounty hunters arrive determined to blow the hellish creatures off the planet! It's an alien adventure, full of action and justcrawling with CRITTERS!

Plot:

A maximum security space prison is awaiting a shipment of Crite prisoners who escape the transport ship and steal a ship in their breakout. The warden contacts the bounty hunters to get the Crites before they feed.

In a Kansas farm, we get the Brown family with all the charming banter between Brad and his older sister April.

Charlie, the town drunk, who gets signals in his teeth, is let out of jail and heads to his job. He’s a farmhand at the Brown farm.

The Bounty hunters are being briefed on Earth and learn of the power a pseudo-Bon Jovi, Johnny Steel, singing “Power of the Night.”

These 3D glasses don't seem to be working... The first bounty hunter morphs into Johnny Steel.

Back at the farm, Brad is having some hi-jinks which results in him being blamed for hitting his sister in the back with a sling-shot. He gets grounded. That night, April goes on a date with Steve. They sneak out to the barn. Brad is trying to sneak out of his room to catch April.

The Crites land on Earth near the farm. Dad goes to investigate the nearby meteor catches Brad. They head out to the field and find a mutilated cow.

On the highway, a deputy runs off the road. He looks for the animal he tried to avoid. However, he doesn’t realize it is the tribble like Critter that eats him.

Back at the farm, Mom spots some glowing eyes out of the kitchen. Dad and Brad try to call and find the phone is dead and the power shuts off. Dad goes to the basement to check the fuse box. Suddenly the Critters attack him.

I could beat 3 gremlins with both arms tied behind my back. Mom and Brad get him away.

The Bounty hunters land on Earth. However, the 2nd bounty hunter hasn’t chosen a face. They find the deputy’s corpse. 2nd hunter morphs into Jeff’s face. They take off in the police car.

In the barn, the Critters attack Steve. Brad runs off to rescue April. Brad’s firecracker gives the Critter for massive indigestion. The kids get back to the house.

Charlie looks for the dispatcher to contact the Sheriff.

At the church, the police car crashes in. The Bounty hunters demand the Crites. The 2nd re-morphs into the Preacher’s face. They open fire at the piano. Fire and brimstone ensues, and they leave.

Back at the farm, Dad wants to get the family away. They find the truck’s engine is devoured. Going for Steve’s car, they find Critters in it. The Browns retreat back to the house.

At the bowling alley, Charlie can’t get anyone to listen him.

Hello Cleveland, are you ready to ROCK?!?!?! The bounty hunters storm in and demand for the Crites.
This is an impressive kidney stone... The 2nd morphs into Charlie’s face. Some guys pick a fight and are easily trounced by the bounty hunters.

Sheriff gets a call that town is being attacked. At the church, the sheriff is told of the attack and then learns of the bowling alley assault.

Dad is wounded. The Crites are still attacking. Brad will go for help and sees the critters grow as they eat.

The Critter destruction montage ensues along with a pillow fight and a stuffed ET’s head gets eaten.

On the road, Brad flags down the deputy car with the bounty hunters. He tells them the Critters are at his house.

Dad, Mom, and April are trapped in a room as the critters lay siege. Suddenly, the bounty hunters make their explosive entrance. The family gets out when the sheriff pulls up. The bounty hunters are on a search and destroy mission.

The Critters grab April. Brad goes after to rescue her. He runs into the true Charlie. They get to spacecraft. Brad heads in to rescue April. He drops a firecracker. Charlie Molotov cocktails the firecracker to ignite.

The Critters fly off and blow up the farm house unaware of the firecracker that blows up the spacecraft. The bounty hunters give Brad a communicator.

RoCk On!!!

The morning, the family is examining the wreckage before thee dues ex machine magically rebuilds the blown up house. The bounty hunter ship flies off. Pan away to the barn, several strange eggs are about to hatch.

What I say:

Any kid in the 1980s had a few movies from the mid-1980s that if not were theg reatest movies ever were one we were obsessed with at that time. Last Starfighter showed us the power of being able to play video games to defeat evil alien empires. Jaws 3 had something to do with a yellow submarine that was so yellow it was able to partial separate itself from its plane of existence if piloted by the Manimal. Ninja 3: the Domination taught us that only a ninja can defeat another ninja. But away from other 1980s movies but today's feature presentation.

After Gremlins which sort of led to the rise of PG-13 monster movies, Critters was the first real big monster movie of that style. The Critters in a way are Gremlin-like with a love of Caucasian the other white meat... Imagine a thoroughly methed-out Tribble, that's a Critter in their rolling vengeance mode. Otherwise, they resemble more a Moncheechee with a porcupine-hedgehog with a piranha attitude. They also can shoot projectile needles with a sedative in them.

Normally, I don't mention much about the special effects guys other than some of the more recognized ones like Rob Bottin, etc.. The Crites were designed by the Chiodo brothers. That name might not be recognizable without their magnum opus: Killer Klowns from Outer Space. It's nice to see a movie where the creature effects were done with puppetry and animatronics rather than CG.

We get the best bounty hunters this side of Boba Fett in this movie. Shape changing bounty hunters who morph into pseudo-Bon Jovi is quality. They just walk around demanding the Critters and destroying things with their Liefeldian-sized weaponry. Of course, aliens who can pilot intergalactic spacecraft cannot be able to understand the concept of reverse. But, guys that walk up and start demolishing a bowling alley is quality.

Power off the Night was played 5 times. That is almost Stan Bushian in such classic power ballads as Dare or You've Got the Touch from Transformers, Never Surrender from Kickboxer, or Fight to Survive from Bloodsport. This song is almost as good as the Richard Harris version of "MacCarthur's Park" or William Shatner's "RocketMan."

Dee Wallace Stone is probably best known for appearing in the Howling, Elliott's mom in ET: the Extra-Terrestrial, or the creepy woman from Peter Jackson's . She's doing more of a distraught mom from Cujo whose family is being attacked by carnivorous speed-freak alien pseudo-Tribbles or anti-social furry Gremlins.

The cat is named Chewie (for Chewbacca?). It spends most of the movie running from the Critters much like another famous movie cat that had more sense than the people around it. Does Jonsey from Alien ring a bell?

Quotable Dialogue
"Get the Bounty Hunters..."
"Power of the night...."
"The dork from New York."
"We're here for the Crites."
"They have weapons."
"I swallowed my chewing tobacco."
Morals of the Story
John Travolta used to be a waitress.
The is a trusted newspaper.
Bowling is a national sport.
Aliens don't quite understand the concept of a "Reverse" gear in an automobile.
Bowling balls can be easily thrown.
Toliets are fire extinguishers.