C.O.P.S. (1988)

What the box says:

Empire City is under siege by the sinister Big Boss and his gang of dangerous criminals. The city's only hope is the Central Orgainization of Police Specialists (C.O.P.S.). A team made up of extraordinary crime-fighters- each one a master of a special skill, who are dedicated to stamping out organized crime.

1. The Case of the C.O.P.S. File #1, Part 1 - Agent Vess comes to Empire City following a series of crimes and is severely injured by the Big Boss and his Henchmen. 2. The Case of the C.O.P.S. File #1, Part 2 - C.O.P.S. must unite to fight Big Boss and his ultiamte crime machine. 3. The Case of the Bogus Justice Machinges - As C.O.P.S. are disbanded due to the success of new jsutice machines in fighting crime, the Big Boss conceives a new fiendish plan.

Plot:

A number of robberies by Big Boss's gang ensues. The kingpin of crime wants Dr. Badvibes to create an ultimate crime machine.

Mayor Davis, mayor of Empire City has requested federal aid to combat the crime wave of Big Boss. Federal agent BP Vess is going to investigate the crime scenes and gets a clue which leads him to Big Boss.

BP Vess finds a few other clues.

Big Boss wants his nephew, Berserko, and Turbo Tu-tone to protect Dr Badvibes. At first, they head to the lab unaware that BP Vess is in the van.

A police car sees the commotion that Turbo is driving the van trying to knock BP Vess off the side of the van. BP crawls along the side of the van to whale on Turbo. The van crashes.

An ambulance is called for BP Vess.

Big Boss chews out Berzerko and Turbo. Dr. Badvibes invention will allow them to take over Empire City.

Hospital, BP is paralyzed and needs an exoskeleton to allow him to walk. He plans on recruiting an elite group strike force of police officers to combat the Big Boss's gang.

Let the recruiting montage begin. Hugh Forward, Bullseye - helicopter pilot. Walker Calhoun, Sundown - Texan Sheriff. A CHIPs officer is the motorcycle officer. Cole Howard, Mace - special tactics, etc.

Big Boss learns that BP Vess is alive. Berzerko is sent to infiltrate the hospital.

Apparently, BP Vess is touch and go. Berzerko and Rock Krusher rush into the hospital and open fire on BP Vess who is now bulletproof. He's up and able to catch Berzerko. Rock Krusher and Turbo escape...

Later, Big Boss rages about his nephew being caught. Dr. Badvibes has the ultimate crime machine readied. IT is a flying saucer and that can lift a building and carry it away.

Dr. Badvibes is testing the crime machine to haul a building away. 2 cops are in the building. A super vacuum empties the building and drops the building into the river. Bullseye manages to rescue the cops.

Big Boss will use the crime machine to rescue Berzerko and take care of BP Vess.

BP Vess introduces Mayor Davis to the COPS: Mirage-undercover, Barricade-crowd control, Sundown-Texan sheriff, Highway-motorcycle officer, Mace, Longarm, Bullseye-helicopter pilot,

Big Boss hacks into the video system to demand Berzerko's release and for BP to turn himself over.

BP has the COPS start to look for the ultimate crime machine.

Bullseye manages to spot the gianormous ultimate crime machine. The crooks manage to damage the COPS's chopper which crashes. The crooks manage to capture Bullseye and Mirage.

Berzerko is released by the mayor.

Big Boss wants his brilliant scheme implemented.

BP is sure that the Big Boss will use the crime machine to steal the federal mint.

The ultimate crime machine hauls the mint away with BP inside. COPS follow the mint being carried away.

The crooks get the printing press, etc...

The chase is on. BP gets aboard the ultimate crime machine.

Mainframe and Hardtop rig a way to jam the controls for the crime machine.

Turbo drops the mint. BP gets caught by Buzzbomb, robot drone.

Pseudo-speed line fight between BP and Turbo ensues.

Turbo, Rock Krusher, and Buzzbomb abandon ship.

The COPS manage to pick Turbo and Krusher up.

Bullseye and Mirage are on the crime machine. BP manages to use his exo-skeleton's armor to reset the computer.

Control crash landing ensues.

BP recruits Mainframe and Hardtop to join the COPS. They codename decide BP, Bulletproof. They still have to catch Big Boss...

Bulletproof’s narration reveals that the Big Boss has another fiendish nefarious plot.

A robot arrests a guy and sentences him to 4 years for parking in a no parking zone.

Bulletproof reveals to the other COPS that the instant justice machines will be tested at their precinct.

A montage of the instant justices arresting people ensues.

Berzerko and Ms. Demeanor rob a bank. Mace and Highway are in hot pursuit (Huh-coooooo-cooooooooo-cooooooo, sorry can’t expunge the Dukes of Hazzard reference). Highway finally catches up to Ms. Demeanor when the instant justice robot arrives and judges her innocent even with the bank money in her hands. The robot claims the money is circumstantial evidence.

Highway and Mace report to Bulletproof about the instant justice machines.

Barricade, the hostage negotiator, and Mace trail Ms. Demenaor and see her bribing City councilman Vargas for supporting the instant justice project. Mace wants to rush in and crack some skulls and Barricade reluctantly agrees to, too. An instant justice machine arrests them.

Vargas calls the Big Boss for help. He tells the corrupt councilman to just lock up Barricade and Mace.

Barricade tries talking with the instant justice machine trying to get on its good side.

Bulletproof and Bullseye are in a police chopper and overhear Councilman Vargas planning to take care of the COPS. Needless to say, this has Bulletproof calling in the rest of the COPS.

Vargas claims that he won’t go down without a fight. Bulletproof with his cybernetic exo-skeleton manages to take care a quite a few of the robots.

Barricade promises to not deactivate the robot he’s been talking to, and the robot frees them.

The COPS arrive on the scene.

Vargas threatens to activate a self-destruct device, won’t go to jail, and wants immunity. Barricade is able to talk him down.

Bulletproof’s narration reveals that Vargas is occupying a nice place in a small cell. The instant justice machines were all deactivated except for the one that helped Mace and Barricade.

What I say:

The 1980s cartoons...Now, we're hitting my realm and stride..I may have been one of the best things coming out of the late 70s, I remember the 80s more as a kid. The Rubix Cube Saturday Morning cartoon among others. The after school cartoons had a special place in my heart before my ability to care was removed and sold. GI Joe the Movie and Inhumanoids: Evil That Lies Within. Frantically, I remember getting home to watch the Transformers, GI Joe, Spiral Zone among others including C.O.P.S.. Picture cops and robbers. If you throw in the cartoony sci-fi element, we get C.O.P.S.. Fighting crime in a future time..

Yes, there is a recent full DVD release of the entire 65 episode run which isn't what DVD I watched. Though, I just stumbled across a DVD with only 3 episodes. By the way, the back of this box advertises for Pro Stars the only cartoon featuring Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson, and and Wayne Gretzky having misadventures. So, you might want to keep your eyes peeled for the discount DVD bins in case you've got a big of maschostic DVD tendencies. By the mid 90s, I was trying to hide from such cartoons as Prostars. Yes, the growing anime craze in the late 90s got me especially when at college I got the Cartoon Network with Toonami and Adult Swim.

I'm sure some of you are saying Central Organization of Police Specialists can't have been the best acronym they could come up for COPS. Hey, don't knock it. That is far more logical than MASK: Mobile Armored Strike Kommand...Which is worse the spelling of that acronym or the fact that I remember it from when I was a kid? Useless information is the easiest to remember.

The COPS for the most part looked too similar. The COPS didn't seem as easy to grab onto like the GI Joes. Though with the Joes, some of them seemed to be in practically every episode like Flint, Gung Ho, etc..The COPS for the most part are almost impossible to keep straight. I'm sure just reviewing off of 3 episodes especially since 2 of them are the introduction is part of the problem. Though Bulletproof was in every episode should the wondiferous wikipedia be correct. Bullseye is the helicopter pilot who's chopper manages to explode every episode almost like any vehicle in every episode of GI JOE. Roadblock is the motorcycle cop. Too bad, they didn't create an animated Erik Estrada motorcycle cop from California and have a midi version of the CHIPs theme playing whenever he was on screen. It would have been Ponch-tastic and been a better tribute than Estrada being on the Celebrity Cop show which crashed and burned almost as fast as the Dana Carvey Show..In GI Joe, the Joes had completely different uniforms and easy to differentiate in a non-mathematical fashion. Compare Sci-Fi and Snake-Eyes.

The villains seemed more colorful and easier to recognize than the COPS. Dr. BadVibes, mad scientist with a brain in a glass jar on the top of his head is the required mad scientist. While he may not be quite as mad as Cobra's Dr. Mindbender, he comes in a close second. Big Boss is always doing an Edward G. Robinson impression. Mwaaahhh. Turbo Two-Tone resembles a futuristic inbred James Hetfield. Even with Rock Krusher wearing the prison uniform escapee with a sledge hammer. Berzerko is completely annoying with his voice on a chalkboard. Ms. Demeanor reminds me a bit too much like an animated masculine Chyna. Most of the other crooks weren't in these 3 episodes like Nightshade, etc. The only way to remember them off these episodes is to watch the closing credits which does a roll call of the Cops and crooks.

Big Boss has a nefarious scheme that the COPS must uncover and barely stop in time. That is the exact same story repeated every episode. If that sounds familiar, that was pretty much Cobra Commander's plan in every episode of GI J.O.E. or Meagtron's plan in Transformers, too. Do one thing do it well..I'm sure that most of the 80s cartoons had some of the same script writers. Though Cobra Commander and Megatron were obsessed with world or universal conquest, Big Boss was interested in a bit more common place idea like profit and power through crime. Big Boss was a master criminal but was still against drugs. One episode even had the COPS and crooks teaming up to stop a drug dealer strangely enough G.I.Joe and Cobra teamed up to do the same thing on onw of their episodes.

To be honest, it would be easy to trash the stories of a cartoon from almost 20 years ago. That isn't the point. Too many review sites seem think throwing a few snarky comments about something you can't stand and you're the a brilliant writer. If you get an email from someone saying "how could you have written something with such a cliffhanger and am anxiously waiting to see how it ends" that's a compliment. If people actually email and say something you wrote is funny, good work...However, you just can't think like some sort of post-modern critic who throws a few catchphrases is quality and all who disagree with you are philistines.

Quotable Dialogue
"We sure made monkeys out of the police."
"It's crime fighting time."
"Today, you've earned your steel wool cupcakes."
"It's low-tech but high crime."
"I'm computer compatible now."
Morals of the Story
Federal agents don't need search warrants.
"Laughing Fish Movers" is the greatest moving company name.
Helicopters have ejection seats.
Trees must be encased in giant glass tubes.
Skateboarders can easily break the speed limit.
Motorcycles have ejection seats.