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Concrete Cowboys (1979)

Ramblin' Man


Cast:

Tom "Magnum PI" Selleck is Will
Jerry "Eastbound and down" Reed is JD
Morgan Fairchild is Kate/Carla
Claude Akins is Woody Stone
Roy Acuff is Himself
Barbara Mandrell is Herself
Ray "Raymo Stevens, his own self" Stevens is Himself


What the box says:

Set in the heart of Music City, Concrete Cowboys tells the story of two Nashville-based detectives (Tom Selleck and Jerry Reed) on the trail of kidnappers and extortionist. Mixing drama with milk and song, Concrete Cowboys delivers solid entertainment. Watch for cameos appearances by some of the country music's greatest stars, including Ray Stevens and Barbara Mandrell.


Plot:

Gratuitous Jerry Reed singing begins the movie.

JD is playing poker as Will reads an encyclopedia. JD discovers one of the other poker player’s was cheating. A fight breaks out that eventually Will keeps reading for a while before joining in. They learn the cheater was the county sheriff. Will and JD aren’t able to the cheaters.

Leaving the gas station, Will has an idea. Suddenly the inside of the gas station gains a southern exposure when Will and JD use a tow truck to pull the front of the building away. Sheriff and his cronies are in hot pursuit…(huh-cooo-cooo-cooo, sorry Dukes of Hazzard reference must be acknowledged).

The chase is on, the good old boys get ahead of a train. The sheriff finds the empty tow-truck.

Will and JD are on a boxcar wand unaware of where they’re heading. They discover the next morning, they’re in Nashville. JD tries calling an acquaintance: Lonny Grimes. The guy is so friendly he lets them stay in his apartment and drive his car while he’s out of town.

A mysterious white guy is following them.

JD and Will get to the apartment and tour the place: montage of Jerry Reed and Tom Selleck in a hot tub when the frumpy Kate Harper walks in. She wants them to find her sister, Karla. She got word that her sister was killed but can’t find any word about it. Kate needs a private detective and will pay them $1,000. That much money has convinced Jerry Reed to private eye.

Elsewhere, Will is goofing off when he finds a secret video camera hidden in the bedroom.

White guy tampers with Lonny’s Vette, the one Will and JD are to drive around. They go to the Country Music Wax Museum to find out about Karla who worked there. In the museum, they meet Roy Acuff. They talk with the manager and his wife about Karla and discover that the couple has different views of Karla. The wife thinks she was a gold-digging strumpet and even fired her, too.

Driving round the city, suddenly, the white guy follows them and opens fire on them. They crash into a police station. Lt. Claude Akins doesn’t like them but Will’s knowledge of the law allows them to get off the hook.

That night, they head to the club where Karla won a talent contest. Well, excellent Ray Steven performance ensues well the shortened version of the “Shriner’s Convention”. Will and JD discuss the case that maybe Karla has been killed. They meet Ray Stevens and Barbara Mandrell who knew Karla. The Wax manager got into a fight with Karla who was coming onto some gambler, Joe Hatcheck.

They head to a floating crap game and talk with Hatcheck. The white guy is still following them. From Hatcheck, they learn that Karla was only using him as much as she could. A fight breaks out.

Lt. Claude Akins shows up to bust everyone who scrambles. The cops get Will and JD. Hatcheck hops into the Vette that promptly explodes.

In jail, Lieutenant Blocker is irate that he can’t bust JD and Will.

The illustrious cowboys go to the apartment and find it has been ransacked. They decide to visit Kate. At her hotel, they sneak in her room. The guy in the white suit, who has been following them, chases them, which leads to a JERRY REED musical chase montage.

JD is sure that Woody Strode, the famous singer, knows Karla and has a plan to see him. Will is sure this a bad idea. At a car dealer, JD pulls the old ”my extremely wealthy boss wants to test the car over the weekend” bit. Will is more surprised that it actually works.

They drive to Woody Strode’s mansion and basically bluff their way in. Woody denies knowing Karla until they prove he wrote a song for her. Woody took her around Nashville. Flashback, Karla was trying to force Woody to make the record company give her a deal. She gets sick of him and storms off. Apparently, Karla decided to work hard for her money at the not quite the House of the Rising Sun but the Nashville equivalent.

After they leave, Woody sends his goon to follow them to lead them to the “right” guys.

JR doubts all the bad things about Karla. They go the Peg’s place, a mansion which is the high dollar home of grinding and bumping. The old and heavyset madam, Peg, warns them about Karla’s crazy boyfriend. Flashback, Karla is trying to get rid of her obsessive boyfriend. JR hits on the Mae Young wannabee, while Will finds the phone number for Karla. They leave and try to number and learn it is Lonny Grime’s number. The world is just getting smaller and smaller.

Will is sure that Lonny is around and will think they have been spending his money that was in the package. Lonny shows up and has set them up. He reveals that Karla was a working girl to fiancé her record. Flashback, Lonny goes to her apartment and sees Woody shoot her. Though he didn’t call the cops, Woody decided that Lonny was a liability and hired a killer to get rid of Lonny who got out of Dodge. They get a phone call from Kate whop wants to meet them where she knows Karla’s body is.

At a graveyard, Will and JR in the TOO DARK TO SEE SCENE, Lonny pulls a gun on them. Chase ensues; Lonny gets sick of it and leaves. Kate took care of Woody’s hired gun. She wants to take care of good ole JR and Will. They get the drop on her and learn that Kate is actually Karla?

Will, JR, and Karla go back to the apartment. The big explanation of what has been going on finally takes place. She wanted to make a new start. Lonny’s idea was for her to fake her death and blackmail Woody who hired a killer to get Lonny when Will and JR arrived. Karla decided to fake being her own sister to get them to help.

Will reveals he didn’t give Lonny’s package to Lonny. Unknown to our private eyes, Karla gets a hold of another gun. Will hid a quarter of a million dollars in his boots. He wants to tie up all the loose ends. Some phone calls top Woody, Lonny, and secret call and the group is on their way.

At the meet, Woody gets an envelope when Lonny arrives to grab the money. They each reveal what they did, the blackmail and attempted murder. Karla whips out her gun. Woody and Lonny struggle. Karla admits to killing a man. Lieutenant Blocker arrives to arrest them.

JR wants to move on. The car has to be returned first. They drive it up to railroad station and leave it and hitch a ride on the boxcar headed west.


What I say:

Another made for TV movie from the 1970s, will I ever learn to avoid them? No, I'm doomed to keep finding them in the cheap DVD bins and compelled to buy them like European villagers are compelled to set fire to the local mad scientist's castle. My ranting isn't as much fun as a good old fashioned European castle burning. Lets get ready for my rambling about the adventures of Tom and Jerry. How I managed to get through the plot description without using a single Tom and Jerry joke was a mistake on my part. I decided that I wouldn't paste in some Tom and Jerry jokes after the fact.

Gather round, my ten of fans. I'm sure that you heard of blaxsploitation movies like Cleopatra Jones, Shaft, Shaft's Big Score, Shaft in Africa, and Truck Turner. Europe gave quite a few movies in the "nunsploitation" category. The "sploitation" genres go into some nasty directions like "rapesploitation". The women in prison genre doesn't have such a "sploitation" name. Rather than just typically ranting incoherently to generate enough strange phrases to draw random hits off seach engines. Where does this intro lead? To the wonderful realm of "hicksploitation" and just leave it there. Well, it isn't like a Rhinestone Cowboys. Thanking Heaven for small favors.

This may be a first. This is the first movie Ihae reviewed where I actually have met one of the actors: Ray Stevens. Sure, he was only in the movie to sing the "Shriner's Convention" song. Oddly enough, that song was what I asked him about when I saw him in Branson years ago. Yes, Branson, as Bart Simpson put it what Las Vegas would be like if Ned Flanders ran it. It was the short version of the song without the secret conclave part of the song. If you listen to Ray Stevens you know what I'm talking about otherwise disregard.

Well, the 70s had one of the greatest mustaches of all time it was attached to Burt Reynolds and he wore it with pride through quite a few Southern comedies in the like Smokey and the Bandit in the later part of the 1970s and with far less pride in Stroker Ace. Burt had managed to not quite totally wreck his career like Sheriff Buford Justice's police car but seemed to be awfully close with plenty of those movies.

The 80s saw the dawn of another amazing mustache: Tom Selleck. It is sort of strange to see Tom Selleck as the straight-laced guy in the detective show while Jerry Reed was all "Come on Higgy baby, let's take the car and chase some fine women." He has been ingrained in my mind as Magnum thanks to my misspent childhood in the 80s. It was only misspent by not watching Sword and the Sorceror and Ninja 3: the Domination enough.

Most movies have me not really mentioning the directors except for special movies. Burt Kennedy is best known for directory comedic westerns like Support Your Local Sheriff, Support Your Local Gunfighter, and the War Wagon. Kennedy has done quite a few movies. Well, Suburban Commando should not be held against the guy.

This isn't high art. Too many people would bash it for that very reason. Tom Selleck and Jerry Reed are able to do a good buddy act. Even with Jerry Reed doing the comedic one, he still didn't come across as annoying as say Marlon Wayans in Dungeon and Dragons or any of the comedic sidekicks. Pretty much the entire movie has Tom and Jerry randomly running into a country singer who gives them a lead in the case. If I follow the population density, Nashville has approxiamately50 people though most of them don't talk. Most of the plot points are just completely coindental that take away from the story.



2 1/2 NINJAS

Quotable Dialogue

"That just doesn't seem like the smart thing to do."
"I think a shot of B-
and 4 dozen oysters, and I'll come down here and kill myself."
"Roy Acuff liked her."
"Maybe they heard it from your Godfather in New York."
"You wake up my sleepy hormones."
"I ain't no gigilo!"


Morals of the Story

Station Wagons are excellent police vehicles.
Cowboys wear their hats in the hot tub.
Nashville, Tennesee is known for its excellent disco musc.
A boot can easily hold $250,000.


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