Bubba Ho-Tep (2003)

Cast:

Bruce "HAIL to the KING BABY!!!!" Campbell is Sebastian Haff or better known as ELVIS...
Ossie Davis is Jack, JFK
Ella Joyce is the Nurse
Reggie "Reggie from the Phantasm movies..." Bannister is Director Reggie

What the box says:

Mud Creek, Texas, is about to get all shook up. When mysterious deaths plague the Shady Rest retirement home, it's up to an aging cantankerous "Elvis" (Bruce Campbell) and a decrepit - and black - "JFK" (Ossie Davis) to defeat a 3,000-year-old Egyptian mummy with a penchant for sucking human souls! Can the King show the world that he can still take care of business?

Plot:

Newsreel footage announces a mummy has been found and will be on tour across the country.

Present day in the Shady Rest nursing home in east Texas, Elvis is contemplating an abnormal growth upon his man particles. His roommate, Bull, keels over.

Later, some little old lady is swiping everything she can get her grubby little paws on. Suddenly, a giant scarab beetle attacks before something larger.

Some mortuary workers hall her away in the hearse.

Elvis checking out Callie, the daughter of his recently deceased roommate. The nurse explains that he really is Sebastian Haff, an Elvis impersonator who fell on stage and broke his hip. Elvis once again explains he traded places with Sebastian that is a bit more realistic than switching Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy.

We're gonna TCB, TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS!!!

Elvis took over Sebastian’s life while Sebastian got the Graceland experience. However, Sebastian liked the drugs even more. Elvis lost a contract and proof he is the one true king in a freak BBQ accident. Callie and the Nurse laugh and think Elvis is off his rocker.

Elvis has one friend, Jack, who happens to be a bit south of sanity by thinking he is JFK. Jack is sure that LBJ dyed him black and took out part of his brain.

Later, Elvis dreams of his new life just as an Elvis impersonator before breaking his hip. Suddenly, a giant scarab beetle attacks him. Elvis layeth the Kung Fu smackdown on it.

Elvis goes to check on Jack and finds him on the floor of his room which seems to be JFK conspiracy headquarters. Jack is positive that LBJ is after him.

The next day, Elvis tries to tell Director Reggie about the bugs.

Nurse readies to perform Elvis a close personal favor by applying the anti-growth goop to his man parts. While, Elvis thinks about how fleeting fame is and the Scarab beetle attack when the king’s scepter rises.

HAIL TO THE KING!!!

Jack has a lead on the assassin and reveals he knows that Sebastian really is Elvis. In the men’s room, they discover some hieroglyphics on the toilet stall wall. Jack translates it. Jack is sure that the attacker is trying to suck souls through any body orifice.

Elsewhere, Nurse spots some lightning. Cheap scare by Director Reggie ensues.

Jack and Elvis research soul suckers. A mummy is feeding off the souls in the nursing home. Elvis is about to leave when Bubba Ho-Tep walks down the hallway. Somehow, Elvis has a Vulcan mindmeld with Bubba about how the mummy was originally mummified and wound up in Texas.

Kemosabe runs down the hall and lets loose with both cap pistols at Bubba Ho-Tep to no avail. Kemosabe collapses. The nurses find him on the floor.

Next morning, Director Reggie chews out Elvis and Jack. They don’t mention the fact of an Egyptian mummy is roaming around sucking souls from the elderly anii.

Mortuary guys take Kemosabe away.

Elvis chews out the nurse as he starts to regain some pride. He tries to track where a mummy could be hiding around and gets a clue in a nearby creek.

Later, Elvis returns to his room and is sure that he’s got penile, man cancer. Jack pops in after doing his research. A mummy was on tour across the country when thieves stole it and disappeared. Bubba Ho-Tep has escaped his sarcophagus but must feed on souls to survive. They plan to stay awake all night to keep the mummy from getting them.

Elvis thinks about everything to stop the mummy and save everyone in the nursing home. It is time for him to be a hero. Talking with Jack, they’ll TCB, yeah TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.

Jack and Elvis ready what they can gather for weapons and plan to set the mummy on fire because fire purifies evil.

The patent pending walker Elvis and scooter wheelchair JFK ensues. Preparing to head into battle. A weed sprayer is readied for use. Splitting up outside, Elvis sees the approaching Bubba Ho-Tep who disappears.

Elvis walker fu versus an undead anii sucking mummy. Jack drives off to Elvis’s aid. However, the mummy vanishes. Elvis realizes it’s a trap to get Jack.

Bubba Ho-Tep Lee Harvey Oswalds JKF.

Elvis rushes to Jack’s side to prevent the mummy from swallowing a soul. Elvis is able to flambé Bubba Ho-Tep.

Jack tells Elvis to use the one spell to stop the money forever. However, Jack dies.

As Elvis recites the spell; he learns the spell is ineffective.

Bubba rises. Elvis crashes the wheelchair straight at the mummy. Fight ensues. Let the TCB ensue. Elvis and the mummy crash down the hill. Elvis sets the mummy on the fire once more. Let the ancient Egyptian mummy be flambéed finally. Elvis is fatally wounded. Dying, he realizes that everyone in the nursing home is safe…

What I say:

This review's suggested soundtrack is "Velvet Elvis" by Weird Al Yankovic and as horribly off key as you can catterwall Mark Cohn's "Walking in Memphis."

I had waited as I heard how Bubba Ho-Tep was being shown in theaters all over the country. I waited and waited. It never came anywhere near me. Once again , the bane of living in Arkansas nowhere near any pseudo-artsy theaters that might possibly show it. Bubba Ho-Tep never seemed to be released on DVD. Eventually, it was released and had to get it as soon as I could. However, why haven't I posted this review sooner? Well, I've had is since almost when it was first released on DVD but just not reviewed it. As every b-movie reviewer has their infamous "list of movies to review that just keeps piling up even when getting through a good chunk of them, more fill their place". The for every review I write 2 movies takes it place, maybe not quite that bad...Well, the time was right to finally review it and hopefully no other site will post a review before this which means I'd have to hold it back a few more weeks.

Bubba Ho-Tep had me at "elderly Elvis and JFK battling a soul sucking mummy." Finding out that Bruce Campbell is Elvis, and movie is directed by Don "who gave us the Phantasm movies and the original Beastmaster" Coscarelli was like the extra sugary topping on the cheesecake of goodness. Learning the story was originally from Joe R. Lansdale who I've read his novella Drive-In and a couple of short stories here and there like the one about Godzilla's 12 step program was the double peanut butter fudge choclate frosting layer which is almost enough to almost coma-fy B-movie fans just upon learning of this movie.

With such a story, it would be awfully easy to make a movie easily tongue and cheek. However, for the most part, the movie is played seriously. Wrap your mind around that idea...Well, "seriously" is very subjective in a movie about an elderly Elvis battling a mummy who must suck elderly patients' souls through the proctological area. Bubba Ho-Tep will automatically branded as a b-movie. Plotwise, it is easy to see why it would. Though, characterwise, an Elvis that has spent more than 20 years regretting how he wasted his life isn't the typical B-movie hero.

If you're hoping for an Evil Dead 2-type movie or even Maniac Cop, you'll be disappointed. This isn't Ash. This is the King, baby....The true RETURN OF THE KING...Bruce Campbell isn't as much of an actor because whenever I see him in a movie, just want to shout out hey "Bruce!" This isn't meant as an insult. Many b-movie fans like me consider Bruce Campbell as a character moreso than whoever he actually portrays in movies. Bruce Campbell portrays Elvis as a man who has made so many mistakes, regrets, and ruined his life finding one final chance to if not redeem himself but to be what he has wanted to be all his life: a hero.

Ossie Davis is one of those characters actors that most people have seen in movies but don't remember. Normally he was in more ordinary movies. Though he does pop up in some genre movies, watch Stephen King's: the Stand, he played Judge. It is a terrible shame he died a couple of years ago. Everyone is supposed to think that Bruce is Elvis, but Ossie is just a guy who thinks he's JFK but isn't. Somehow, the idea that he actually is JFK sort of makes the movie more interesting. Ossie does the research and uncovers the secret of the mummy. He isn't given the time in the movie for us to see a man who has lived his life and regretted how his mistakes have hurt those around him...

Reggie Bannister pops up as the nursing home director. Unfortunately, he isn't like Reggie from the Phantasm movies, the greatest ice cream salesman midget killin' hero ever. In fact, I was thinking that he was somehow connected to the mummy. Actually, his role is just a very glorified cameo.

Kemosabe is meant to be the Lone Ranger. However, they couldn't get permission. In fact, the guy who played Kemosabe was the guy who played Dash Riprock on several episodes of the Beverly Hillbillies in the 1960s. Can you guess, I'm a trivia nerd and geek and proud of my heritage...

Hospitals with their long corridors at night have an inherent creepiness like in Halloween 2. Is it because the people there are sick or the antiseptic smell to hide the sickly odors? Well, nursing homes have those long dark hallways, too. Most people have at least some sort of uneasiness about nursing homes whether because so many of the patients' health or an unspoken thought that if they ignore them they won't end up in one of those places when they get old. The thought of people dying in a nursing home is another very unpleasant thought. The nurses, patients' families, or the funeral workers aren't bothered by the number of deaths around them. The inability to realize something unusual is happening has cost the lives of a number patients. In fact, Elvis and Jack realize if they tell the story about a mummy everyone will automatically assume they are off their deep ends.

When I say B-movie, you're sure to have an idea of the kind of things to expect. Though no kung fu priest like in Dead Alive, no aliens wanting to turn the human race into the newest universal taste sensation like in Bad Taste, or no Chow Yun Fat seeking revenge like in Full Contact.

I'm sure you've noticed how my ramblings seem to be less ridiculous than usual. There is no way I'm going to try to discuss Bubba Ho-Tep as some sort of film school dissertation. It does deserve to be considered more than the typical rampaging monster stopped by unusual group against overwhelming odds. We get to see Bruce Campbell showing more acting chops than with his chainsaw.

Quotable Dialogue
"What is that growth, man?"
"I lost my copy in a BBQ accident."
"They dyed me this color. All over..."
"He was after my soul. Now you can get that out of any major orifice of a person's body. "
"So, I assume he would crap soul residue."
"Then let me paraphrase one of my own. Let's take care of business."
Morals of the Story
Elvis is secretly in an east Texas nursing home.
JFK had a lobotomy and was dyed black.
Iron lungs are commonplace in nursing homes.
Bedpans are great flyswatters.
Egyptian mummies like to write obscene messages about Cleopatra on bathroom stall walls.