Side Order of Ninjas

   Index  -  Reviews  -  Rants  -  Links
Latest Reviews

Top 5 Reviews

Blood Mania (1970)


Cast:

Peter Carpenter is Dr. Craig Cooper
Maria "I was Greedo in Star Wars?" De Aragon is Victoria Waterman
Vicki Peters is Gail Waterman
Reagan Wilson is Cheryl
Alex "Detroit 9000" Rocco is the Lawyer
Jacqueline Dalya is Kate


What the box says:

A nightmare of unspeakable terror, this Gothic-like horror tale is about a young doctor who's haunted by a questionable past and entrapped in a hopeless present by jealousy, blackmail, and finally, murder!


Plot:


With creedits like this, the movie has to be definitely ookey...

A terrified Vicky is running from some creepy old guy.


This isn't a scarred Billy Idol.
Suddenly, the old guy awakens. He is tended by the maid and his daughter, Vicki. Wanderman, the old creepy guy besides being rich is continually complaining about his doctor, Dr Craig Cooper.

The good doctor Cooper seems to have a pretty good life with his wife, Cheryl.

Dr. Craig checks on Wanderman who keeps griping.


I'm sorry Mr. Wanderman but the results say you do have the Rock-N-Roll Pheumonia and Boogie-Woogie Flu...
Out of the room, Vicki throws herself at Craig again who shoots her down in a Bon Jovi Blaze of Glory.

Later, at Craig's house, Larry Mills shows up demanding Cooper pay him or else. Yes, the blackmail scheme has appeared. Craig explains to Cheryl how during med school, he performed some abortions.

Next day, Cooper checks on his surly patient. He asks Vicki about possibly loaning him some money. Later, Vicki has the good doctor tied down and the artsy lovin' ensues. Craig admits he needs the money badly. Vicki offers to give him the cash.

Cheryl talks to Larry about why he should leave Craig alone well trying to be more persuasive leads to more obligatory 70s lovin' and the disappearance of Cheryl from the rest of the movie.

Vicki sneaks some drugs into her dad's medicine which kills him. When nurse makes her rounds, she finds the dead old Wanderman and tells Dr. Cooper.

Talking with Vicki, Craig realizes that she killed dear old dad. He wants to call the police at first. However, he lies to the coroner about the cause of death.

The attorney starts to set the necessary requirements before the reading of the will including the beneficiaries: Craig, the nurse, Vicki, and Gail (his other daughter).


The estate will be left to whoever doesn't laugh at the attorney who looks like he has antlers..
During the reading of the will, the nurse gets a salary. Craig gets a research grant. Vicki only gets the mansion. However, Gail is awarded the rest of estate which causes Vicki to fly off the deep end.

Craig takes Gail out from the mansion to a medieval fair and for a romantic mellow gold beach walk during the sunset. Returning home, Gail and Craig have to some 70s lovin' unaware that Vicki spies on them.

Gail's friend, Kate, leaves. Later, Gail talks with Vicki and even offers her half of the estate. Vicki claims she doesn't want any of that. Gail also tells her about offering to Craig's money problems. However, he refuses to take it. Gail even wants to stay and help her sister.

Vicki attacks and beats Gail to death.

Craig calls the mansion. Vicki claims that Gail left back to New York City. He heads over to the mansion and finds Vicki painting. She still claims her sister is gone. Craig searches and finds Gail's dead body. Placing it in the car, he heads back to check on Vicki who freaks out when she sees Gail's body in the room. Larry walks in and sees Vicki's painting: Craig cradling a skeleton.


You better look very intense when you're painting kitties and bunnies...


What I say:

We can't expect all movies to live up to their titles. Unfortunately, Blood Mania doesn't live up to its name. "Blood Mania" sounds a bit more horror styled rather than looking like a 1970s precursor for a couple of decades for some movie in the 1990s with Andrew Stevens and Shannon Tweed. This does seem sort of like a typical crime thriller with a dash of pseudo-Tales of the Crypt story thrown in for good measure. Yes, a thriller from the 1970s European thriller but without all the strange camera angles. With Blood Mania in a DVD pack horror movies, I was expecting more a horror movie than this thriller type. If it just had Peter Falk in a dirty trenchcoat walking around the sidelines and mentioning "just one more question", this would have been a Columbo episode.

Movies need characters you want to root for. We've seen what happens when movies get characters so annoying you want them to drop into a woodchipper feet first.. *Cough-cough* Cabin Fever. Scumbags are the ones you hope the hero punch or spinning drop kick. However, in this movie the main characters are all in that category themselves.

First we have the good doctor. Imagine a chiropratic James Bond without the spy training but with the number of women that throw themselves at the good doctor. They've got to hurt their backs the way they throw themselves at that doctor. He is determined to pay off the guy blackmailing him and if requires him to chase after Vicki and Gail, and that's no skin off his nose. Vicki seems to be the 1970s equivalent of the rich party girl with just a little touch of homicidal maniacalness through in for good measure. She seems to jump all the hired help. Gail had less personality that a damp dishrag. The nurse reminded me of Alice from the Brady Bunch. Cheryl disappeared halfway through the movie never to be seen again which is pretty bad when she was the good doctor's wife.

Early 1970s horror movies may not be as hemoglobically-fluidically abundant (lots of blood) as in the late 70s. Without the nightmare opening or Vicki's hallucinating about her father sitting up when dead, this movie would be totally without any horror background. The early 70s had the gore and sleaze starting to grow more and more commonplace. Horror movies need monsters, psychos, some kind of evil more than just a chick who offs her dad for his estate.

May have mention Maria De Aragon earlier in a less than flattering light. However, she also has a huge character in one of the biggest movies and is never known. A true unknown actress. OK, trying to do the Unknown Stuntman theme song by Lee Majors was just not able to be done. Yes, she was Greedo in Star Wars in 1977. Yes,she shot first at Han Solo none of this Special edition stuff.



2 1/2 NINJAS

Quotable Dialogue

"She can't ruin applesauce..."
"What's that $2 word? Immunity..."
"I don't get paid because I look like Raquel Welch."
"Anyone up for a hot game of Scrabble?"


Morals of the Story

Creepy old guys have red, blue, green lit faces.
Alcohol is a stimulant according to 1970s medicine.
Mastiffs love incoming waves.
Giggling is an inherit human reaction for blonde women.


 -  Index  -  Reviews  -  Rants  -  Links