Assignment: Outer Space (1960)

Space Men

Cast:

Rik "From this movie to co-starring in Thunderball, Sounds good to me!" Van Nutter is Ray Peterson
Alain "No, I do not have any Grey Poupon" Dijon is Archie
Gabriella Farinon is Lucy
David Montresor is George the Commander
Archie Savage is Al

What the box says:

Rik Van Nutter (Thunderball) stars as an overbearing but fundamentaly decent reporter who is on assignment as an observer on a space mission. He clashes with the ship's captain (Alain Dijon) over the affections of the beautiful Lucy (Gabriella Farinon), but their differences are set aside when they must save Earth from an impending collision with a runaway spaceship.

Plot:

Planetary Chronicle of New York has sent Ray Peterson to deep space for a assignment.

Better watch out, the Enterprise is out there waiting to torpedo all us lame future rockets... The rocket, Bravo Zula-88's, crew awakens from cryo-sleep before letting the solar system to have to endure the Ray "Ego Maximus" Peterson again.
My ego is almost equivalent to Bill Maher's... Needless to say, the crew can't stand Ray insulting them and are joyful to send him to the satellite.

On the satellite, Ray meets Commander George. Super-Ego versus By-the-Book officer...They fight crime..

I'm the commander of this satellite, and it's my elliptic synchronous orbit or the highway...

Ray sneaks out on a spacewalk to watch a ship-refueling procedure. He sees than a fueler, Yankee-13, gets into trouble. Ray says the fueler's life put manages to pull out the fuel hose which means precious fuel was lost.

Commander chews Ray out for sneaking out, dusobeying orders, etc...

Later, Ray meets Lucy and starts trying pitching the woo. He discovers that Lucy is Yankee-13, the one he saved outside.

On the grapevine, Ray learns that the crew will be heading to Mars and is so determined to go on this mission he manages to get permission from Earth's High Command. Commander George isn't too happy with Ray's politicking to get on the mission.

On the ship, Ray gets high and mighty to all of the crew because he's a reporter. They pick up a distress call from a damaged ship. That crew tries to head for Mars, and one of them jumps out in mid-atmosphere. However, he wound up in a bit better condition than the ship which somehow micro-secondly transforms into an exploding car when it crashes into Mars.

"Why yes, Martian explosions creat momentary rocket to car transformations..."

Bravo Zula-88 heads on to Venus. George finally reeals what the mission is. An experimental ship, Alpha 2, is highly radioactive and heading on a course that will irradiate Earth and kill everything unless they stop it.

At least the harbinger of desctruction wasn't made from Construx and Popoids...

Reaching Venus, they try to bombard Alpha 2 unfortunately to no avail. They devise another plan to try and bypass the ship's force fields. Using the rockets, they manage to knock Alpha 2 into a direct orbit with the satellite out past Mars...(Don't try and calaculate movie stellar locations...) George is able to pick up some of the survivors.

The other ship heads for Alpha 2 and is able to evade the force fields but is destroyed inside the range.

Ray has the brilliant idea of taking the single man- astronaut taxi to reach Alpha 2. George tries to stop him because Lucy loves Ego-reporter. Ray knocks him down and gets out. Finally, Rey reaches Alpha 2 and gets inside.

George radioes Ray how to disconnect Alpha 2's electronic brain. Bravo Zula-88 gets through the force field and approaches to pick up Ray. However, the ship's door selaed shut trapping Ray inside. George and some of the other crew spacewlk to free Ray.

Of course, the crew is able to cut a door open so Ray can escape. They get back to the rocket and change directions before Alpha 2 reaches too close to Earth where it is destroyed. Ray and Lucy are all sweetness and light, etc...

What I say:

Cheap 1960s science fiction isn't exactly known for science fact or even third class recycled sci-fi. A lot of times random science terms are thrown together. Does "Neo-Hydrozine" sound like a rocket fuel or some type of antiseptic pain-relieving gel? At least, a few things do get mentioned. One, the space ships don't have gravity and how the crew must rely on magnetic boots to keep them from floating around. Not sure why anyone in outer space is a cosmonaut if an Italian movie is dubbed into English...

Somehow, the special effects in the classic Star Trek series is a lot more impressive than this movie. A piece of black construction paper with a few of pencil holes for stars was not a very good effect even with a pie plate used for a space ship. However, that's still better than the special effects than this movie. Watch enough TV action shows and movies, and you'll see the car going off the road off a cliff to a fiery explosion. The one scene where the ship crashes and an exploding car is substituted for the ship is hard to believe...That rocket to car scene at least has a different car than from all those other times.

A radioactive space ship is guided into an orbit with Earth which will fatally irradiate the planet unless only nearby ship can stop it in time. Even with a plot like that, at least, that sounded more original than Michael Bay's Armageddon. That must be the definition of micro-miniature praise.

Trying to keep track of the location is impossible. The rocket ship goes out in the solar system but has to return inward past Mars to reach Venus. From they're they head towards Earth to stop the renegade ship. The satellite in the out part of the system somehow magically winds up between Venus and Earth.

The heroes butting heads does nearly scream Green Slime but without any sort of the truly cool theme song. In fact, Assignment: Outer Space does seem a lot like Well, it hasn't had the sci-fi footage reused in numerous movies like the later from the 1960s movies like Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women or Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet.

Take any of the 1980s buddy cop movies with the two guys who can't stand each other at the beginning but become buddies by the end due to adversity. It's the same idea with Commander George who is the definition of the by-the-book sci-fi captain (well before good ones like Captain Kirk and Captain Solo came along...). Ray, the headstrong reporter, doesn't believe in the rulebook. Most of the movie, he has his nose so high up in the air looking down at the crew. His nose should have something orbiting it perhaps his superiority. Well, his ego is so massive that it's gravity collapses and creates a black hole.

How does this movie connect to the 1980s unforgettable movie, Yor, the Hunter from the Future? Normally, do hate throwing the director connection around. However, Yor insures that the proprities must be observed. (Yes, got a Quiet Man joke in a review...)

Quotable Dialogue
"Bravo Zulu-88 shutting electronic brain down."
"The coffin is much too small."
"He still smells Earthy..."
"It's almost as hot as the photonic surface of the sun."
"It's not everyone that can handle 16 Gammas!"
"Ray, you must disconnect the electronic brain!"
Morals of the Story
The year 2116 needs a Planetary Chronicle of New York.
The future has food pills for breakfast.
Cosmonauts are Yankees.
Martian explosions resemble exploding cars.
Cosmonauts don't celebrate Christmas.
The future has abandoned the metric system and re-adopted the English distance system.