Army of Darkness (1992)

Army of Darkness: The Medieval Dead
Army of Darkness: The Ultimate Experience in Medieval Horror
Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness
Evil Dead 3
The Army of Darkness
The Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness
The Medieval Dead

Cast:

Bruce "The Chin" Campbell is Ash
Embeth "Don't hold Thir13en Ghosts against me" Davidtz is Sheila
Marcus "I was in Biggles: Adventures in Time?" Gilbert is Lord Arthur
Ian "Ice Pirates must always be remembered..Abercrombie is Wiseman
Richard Grove is Duke Henry the Red
Timothy Patrick Quill is Blacksmith
Bridget "I scream a lot in Lake Placid" Fonda is Linda
Patricia "Barbara from the remake Night of the Living Dead" Tallman is Possessed Witch
Ted "Joxer the Might!" Raimi is Cowardly Warrior / Second Supportive Villager / S-Mart Clerk

What the box says:

Listen up, you primitive screwheads!

At long last, here lies the closest thing to an "official" Director's Cut of "Army" that you'll ever find. Personally, I think there is always merit in any version of a film that preserves what the makers intended. So, for your consideration, we submit the REAL film. Complete with the original ending, which I think is far more appropriate.

On behalf of Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert, I'd like to thank all of you fans (you know who you are) for your loyal support of this ridiculous series of films - you are directly responsible for the demand to make this version available. May you revel in 96 minutes of excess and may you never, ever, run out of sugar...baby!

Plot:

This plot description describes the original ending which practically everyone knows about by this point except maybe the newbies.

Ash first narrates how he wound back in approximately 1300 AD. Cue the pseudo-Evil Dead 2 flashback as he and his girlfriend went to a cabin in the woods. Finally, he's sucked through a portal to the middle of a battle. Arthur's side (who's winning the battle) decides Ash must be on Henry's side (losing side). The losers will be thrown into the pit despite the fact Merlin is sure that Ash is the prophesized hero.

Taken to Arthur's castle, Arthur accuses Henry of unleashing evil upon them. One soldier is thrown into the pit before Ash who must contend with the deadite.

Someone is in my fruit cellar with a fresh soul... Merlin tosses him the chainsaw. Ash finishes the demon off and climbs out of the pit in a less than pleasant mood. Setting Henry's men free, and reclaiming his shotgun or boomstick and dispatches another deadite convinces Arthur and his people that Ash is a hero.
This is my BOOMSTICK!!!

Enjoying the serving wenches and mutton, Ash is told how only retrieving the Necronomicon can return him to his own time and how these people need the book to also stop the evil tormenting them.

Ash displays his mechanical engineering skills that would impress MacGyver by creating a robotic hand. Ash also enjoys the company of Sheila.

Before heading on his quest, Ash is told how he must recite a phrase to recover the book.

Bruce Campbell is the closest we have to John Wayne in the 1300s. In the woods, Ash is chased by the POV monster. Reaching a windmill for shelter, he eventually breaks a mirror which releases several little Ashes that bedevil him with various shenanigans. Finally stomping boiling them, Ash has a bigger problem when a regular sized evil Ash splits off from him with more Stooge Fu in any one movie for decades. Ash boomsticks Evil Ash and cuts him apart before burying the remains.

Reaching the cemetery, Ash finds 3 books and eventually finds the right book but has forgotten the correct phrase. He awakens the army of darkness and promptly gets out of Dodge back to the castle.

Evil Ash digs out of his grave and is now slightly zombified.

I choose you!!! He has the awakening army of the darkness to start digging up more of the brethren.
Some re-animated skeletons play bone flutes better than Jethro Tull..

As Ash wants to go back to his time. The castle folk look down on him as a coward for not wanting to fight. Shelia still believes in him when a flying deadite takes her off.

As the castle folk are whimpering, Ash decides he's not going to run but stand and fight. They decide to get Henry to join them and send for their help. Ash’s car is towed in and let the science ensue. His car is turned into a steam powered death wheeler. A little thing like gunpowder is introduced as the army of the darkness approaches.

The skeletons surround the castle. However, what skeletons can survive a castle full of men shooting explosive arrows that would make the Duke Boys proud? The catapults throw more against the army of darkness which just keeps coming. Finally breaking inside, Ash resorts to his death mobile to Carmageddon the skeleton warriors but crashes when spotting the deadite Shelia.

Evil Ash is heading for the Necronomicon when Ash catches up to him. Let the swordfight ensue and even sets Evil Ash on fire which leaves Ash to contend with skeletonized Evil Ash.

As the castle folk are looking towards defeat, Henry and his men ride tin at the proverbial nick of time. Ash finally frags Evil Ash which humanizes Shelia back to normal.

Arthur and Henry settle their disputes. Merlin makes a potion with instructions to take 6 drops, which each drop will allow one to sleep for a century. Ash leaves Shelia behind. Buried in a cave, Ash gets distracted and takes 1 drop too many. Falling into the long sleep, finally awakens, Ash finds outside his cave, flaming skyscrapers and Big Ben...

You blew it!!!You blew it all to...(How's my Charlton Heston impression?)

What I say:

Hopefully, this will be a special review. For most b-movie reviewers, the big numbers are rare to hit. We have to fight the great enemies: procrastination, indifference, and laziness. If we can battle them long enough we may hit something so totally pointless to everyone but ourselves. For me, this week is such as that as my hitting 350 reviews. An overflated ego lets me just kick back with this many number of reviews and hope that I've slowed the down the cogs of industry for a few mintues.

Evil Dead was pretty much one of the very few low-budget that is highly memorable early 1980s horror movies with the dreaded POV monster. However, Evil Dead 2 is more a splatterstick remake. You may be asking what splatterstick is. Think of it as splatstick comedy with blood under very high pressure, fun with body parts, or the 3 Stooges with chainsaws. Army of Darkness is Sam Raimi's take on A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur with Bruce Campbell, plenty of Three Stooges eye-pokes, and the Jason and the Argonauts with Ray Harryhausen skeletons.

Army of Darkness, this movie could almost be considered the gateway drug to b-movies. At the end of Evil Dead 2, we see that Ash had managed to send the evil into a portal but was also sucked into portal, too. After defeating a deadite, he's hailed by a gaggle or whatevera group of knights is called. Granted, Army of Darkness takes that ending and tweaks it a bit.

Ash being the hero always has to be the whipping boy to some degree. Previously, he had to contend with his hand being possessed and attacking him. A chainsaw legal separation left Ash free of a killer hand. Every Evil Dead movie needs Bruce to be beaten and attacked severely all the director commentary tracks laugh about beating Bruce so much. Well in Army of Darkness, first, Ash was bedviled by the little Ashes and then Evil Ash who eventually becamed deaditified(?). Just mentioning the attacks with his own possessed body parts at this point. Ash just wants to get home. In fact, he isn't really motivated to actually be heroic until practically everything is down the drain.

From an elderly Elvis in Bubba Ho-Tep to the escaped convict in Terminal Invasion. He is the man. Excuse me, the MAN!!! Bruce Campbell...Many times, people have said that John Wayne always played the same character in every movie. A lot of B-movie fans would say the same thing about Bruce Campbell because his characters typically are the swaggering, blustering type. Well, this is the movie where Bruce pretty much is the ultimate macho-fied version of Ash. Granted, he never was in a movie known as a tender and sensitive new male...Bruce seems to be able to do the swaggering, blustery guy who when the chips are down is the hero you want on your side.

I've seen the "S-Mart" ending many times before finally viewing the "Apocalypse" ending and certainly can understand why the sample audience wasn't too happy with a bleak and practically a Planet of the Apes style ending. Had an Evil Dead 4 actually came afterwards, it would have been different. The "S-Mart" ending where Ash explains everything and nobody pays him any attention even with a mechanical hand just sort of seems right.

Quotable Dialogue
"My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can figure, the year is thirteen hundred A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a real life, once. A job."
"It seems an archeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomiconexmortis. The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Samarian text contained bizarre burial rights, funeral incantations, and demon resurrection passages, it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods, something evil."
"I dinna think he'll listen, lad."
"You know your shoelaces are untied."
"Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! "
"Groovy..."
"Gimme some sugar, baby. "
"Clatto Verata Nicto. "
"Ramming speed!!!"
"Oh, that stinkin' wiseman."
"Definitely, an "N" word."
"You can count on my steel>"
"I slept too long!!!"
"Hail to the King...
Morals of the Story
Chainsaws can be surgical tools.
Bruce Campbell isn't fond of kids that kick him in the shins.
The human body contains 500 gallons of super-pressurized blood.
Breaking a mirror releases little sadistic versions that like to stab you with forks.
Converting a 1973 Oldsmobile to steam power only takes a few hours.
Backbreaker wrestling move is very effective against animated skeletons.
Bruce Campbell is ambidextrous with swords.